2014 PREDICTIONS

One of my favourite quotes from history is by an executive from Decca Records. He rejected an auditioning band on the grounds that “groups are out; four-piece groups with guitars, particularly, are finished.” He was later proven wrong when that band went on to record The White Album and Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. It just goes to show that predicting the future is a mug's game. Yet we are standing on the threshold of a new year, and who can resist trying to peek ahead and guess what's coming? So here you are: SHOUT's predictions for what might happen in 2014.
At the end of 2013, having seen either a hartal or an oborodh and sometimes a strange chimera of the two ('hobotals?'), the Bangladeshi economy steadily grinds to a halt. The adaptive people of Bangladesh, unwilling to see so much money going down the drain, begin to work and commute at night, leaving the wastelands of the day to the picketers and cocktail merchants. This happy arrangement having been reached, the economy steadily recovers its stolid pace. Indeed, the only ones unhappy are the criminals who have to resort to carrying out their activities under the harsh glare of the sun and with the threat of incendiary death looming. Serves them right, too.
Inspired by Schindler's List, superstar Ananta Jalil reinterprets the classic storyline in a modern context. His decision to portray the Israeli government as fascist and totalitarian, imprisoning Palestinians in internment camps is initially met with international controversy. However, his novel solution for peace in the Middle East (sunglasses and dancing) is hailed as revolutionary by world leaders, and after its adoption in the Holy Land decades of hate and sectarian warring are finally put aside. Thanks, AJ!
Doge becomes Time's Person of the Year.

After her 2013 meltdown, Miley Cyrus finds herself alone and brooding in a dark hotel room, just before a concert. Her new single is to be performed, but her heart is not in it. What is it all about, she asks herself. What, after all, is the point of riding an animatronic pink bull across the stage while singing something suggestive about hot dogs? In her despair she reaches for the old guitar and begins to sing. A light shines. She goes to the concert, cancels all the props, costumes and lights, gets on stage with her battered acoustic and sings a song of pain and the falseness of life. It is an instant hit across the world, with the Pope and the Dalai Lama expressing how much they identify with the lyrics. Miley Cyrus then disappears from the public eye, using her fortune to run a rehabilitation home for abandoned pets.
Tool releases fifth album. Taher Shah, already contemplating a rap album inspired by Eminem's work, comes across the latest Tool and decides to record a progressive rap concept album with 52 tracks that form another, entirely consistent, album when played backwards. Special edition comes with human eyeball.
England wins the World Cup, narrowly defeating Spain and Germany on penalties. Americans confused as they'd never even heard of these states. Ashley Young declared tournament's best player, signs anime deal.
That's just a few stray predictions for what the coming year might be bringing us! If you have some of your own, go to www.facebook.com/ShoutDS and drop us a post that will have us giggling for hours.        

Disclaimer: SHOUT shall not be held accountable for any of these predictions coming true or not.