A Textbook? <br> What's that?

The relationship between me and textbooks can be described by two worms trying to hold hands. We like each other but we don't know how to express it or communicate to each other that this just isn't working out. Having an English and Bangla curriculum background, I found little difference in the mind-numbingly boring textbooks; notes were godsend. Today's cover story is all about text books, which I know nothing about.
If you've been repeatedly not-single for years, you'll have extreme déjà vu moments while out on dates where the places remain the same but only the faces change. It's a wonder that obesity is not yet a national problem thanks to the lack of (respectable) dating activities couples can engage in; we address that problem on page 8.
I really liked the two micro-fictions on Fable Factory. Thought I should let you know. It's important for us to let each other know.
On page 11, Aadiyat Ahmed discusses why shields and pikes are for men who lack testosterone (the apt word cannot be printed).
Would you like to convince your parents to buy you a new console or a car or even a new set of parents? Read my article on page 12 to decipher the secrets of the Universe. 42.

– Rumman R Kalam, Sub-editor, SHOUT.