Ask the SHOUT Troll

Dear Shout Troll,
 

I have this strange tendency to fall in love with non-existent people, be it an anime character, someone from a good book or even animated movies. The thing is, I just don't find men in real life interesting, and my friends call me weird because of it even though they like the most unlikeable and unattractive people. Please advise me on how I can stop myself from falling in love with non-existent people and start to not hate real life people of the same age group.
- fangirl
Hai Fangirl,
I would like you to take a moment and imagine yourself being the girlfriend of Woody from Toy Story. He's made of plastic and is at least 1/22 of your size. What would happen if you actually had the chance to romantically involve yourself with Woody? Who says you won't swallow him if you try to kiss him? I advise you to put yourself in everyday situations with the fictional character. What if you wanted to date Vin Diesel? Imagine the utter horror when he's too lazy to shave his head. Yes. That.

Shout Troll,
How will Santa differentiate between the naughty and nice people in Bangladesh? It's a relative matter, isn't it? Especially since Bangladesh has a different culture from the one Santa's from. I ask you this question because both of you are from the North Pole. Pls respond.
- Cookie Cutter
Dearest Cookie,
After calling my friend Santa, or “Nickie” as we old friends like to call him, he faced quite a dilemma. Santa's database was not updated regarding the doings of the Bangladeshi children due to the internet speeds of his Dhaka elves. However, from what he heard from the global news regarding Bangladesh, Santa thinks that everyone in the country direly needs our help and will very much like a Kevlar vest. So all in all, everyone's in for a bullet-proof treat from Santa this year whether they are naughty or nice.

Shout Troll uncle,
I'm a matchmaker from Barisal and I want to hook you up with an ideal 10/10 bride. What's your family background?
- Pakhi Bhai
Birdman,
I'm originally from Trolshaven, Norway and so are my parents. Both of my parents are professional trolls who have secure ties with top internet trolls. My family was awarded Troll Family of the Year 2012 by International Troll Association of Lovable YouTubers. My net worth is around TK 500.