Be My Anti-Valentine

The Princess

There is a lot of anticipation surrounding the 14th of February. Usually, it is the princes who get worked up around this time. They mount their horses (daddy's Toyota Corolla) and ride off towards distant lands (Uttara) in search of their princesses. In preparation for this glorious day, the princesses lie in wait in their chambers and gaze out their window (browse Facebook). When the occasion calls for it, even princesses mount their horses to go look for their princes. No one wants to be without a prince or a princess during this time of the year.
But not I!
I may be a princess but I refuse to look for a mate for a day made up by Mark's Hall (or whatever they call themselves). The kingdom may find it borderline offensive, but I am not the one for roses and heart candies, especially just for a day.
During such times, half of my kingdom becomes preoccupied with picking the right flowers and gifts, the other half with the idea of finding a mate. I ask my people, “why is it so important?” and their answer is always the same, “because it's a tradition.” No, it isn't! Not in my kingdom! I would know; I make these traditions! And if it is an expression of love, why only on a particular day?
Most princesses I know go around kissing frogs to find their princes, and the princesses aren't the only ones kissing frogs on this particular date. The few that don't kiss frogs left and right sit in a melancholy daze, waiting for knights in shining armour to come along and sweep them off their feet, while the princes roam under towers, waiting for a tassel of hair to fall from the windows. All the depressing scenarios add up to this: my refusal to conform to the idea of finding a prince for myself to not seem alone on the fourteenth day of this month.
The sorrowful eyes of the people of my kingdom look to me at such a time:
“Oh why is the girl alone?”
“Why does the girl not find a man?”
[And the worst] “Doesn't the girl just look lonely?”

No! Wrong, wrong, wrong. Just because I am alone, does not mean I am lonely!

This is what I find borderline offensive: to be thought of as lonely for the lack of a mate on a particular day.
Now you may ask, how do I cope with being alone on Valentine's Day? That's easy; I do it like I cope with being alone for the rest of the year. If couples don't bother me then, why would they bother me now? Insecure is the word I use to describe people who make such assumptions [and conformist, because I'm a hipster princess].
Finally, I cannot remain in waiting for a prince when I have all my woodland creature friends to come help me do chores while singing to me. That happens to be a perk of being a princess, ignoring the downside of being stuck in towers and such. Albeit the tower does provide a great view of the façade of the festivities set up for Valentine's Day.
But if Valentine's Day is a princess' way of finding her prince, who am I to judge? Some may kiss a few frogs, but others do find their princes in the mix. But I for one find myself content in only watching the people of my kingdom celebrate. Just as Lady Warson Shire from a far off land once said, “My alone feels so good; I'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude.”

V-day Grinch

Valentine's Day, yes. It's like every other day of the year except I have to make an extra effort today. Society demands it and who am I to oppose society? Normally, every year, I would ignore this day, let it pass, perhaps snap back at a few nosy elders who were only trying to be sociable. Of course, being the V-day Grinch, the effort(s) of which I speak are my feeble, unheard attempts to ridicule the tradition. Society has demonstrated its collective stupidity by placing a day which isn't even important enough to be a holiday on a pedestal. By doing this, it has pretty much pinned a “mock me” sign on its non-existent back. I will take it up on that open invitation.
This is the one day dedicated to love, so why not give it a chance? I'll tell you why! Because you're not spreading or sharing your love with the world like your plea makes it seem; you're being the same, self-serving little shrimp you are every other day, perhaps even more than usual. On this day, you try and show another that it isn't all about you, but rather all about them. Of course, you have an ulterior motive in all of this. You bend over backwards to appease them so that they'll do the same for you later at night with extravagant bedtime stories. What's annoying is that it is fleeting. This day is there to serve as a reminder to love, not as a happy sleepover challenge. It isn't called Saint Ludacris' day.
Okay, okay, get this. So Cupid is Saint Valentine's mascot, right? If you think he's cute or innocent you've got another thing coming. What if I told you this plump, naked, winged archer-child has shady past affiliations? He started off in ancient Rome where he secured a job through pagan connections where he would promote [parties]. In these [parties] people engaged in some premarital hanky panky. That's right; people would go so far as to hold hands with strangers they had no intention of marrying. Dan Brown certified this information. You know what happens on Saint Valentine's? More premarital handholding! Cupid is going to single-handedly drive us to ruin just like he did ancient Rome!
With all that said, I hope you have a regretful Valentine's Day! If you're going to accuse me of being bitter, you should know that I am single by choice -- not my choice but still…

ILLUSTRATION: ZOHEB MASHIUR