DHAKA STREETS HIERARCHY

Dhaka's roads often witness some of the most profound falling outs between owners or drivers of different vehicles, each trying his best to blame the other for any misconduct, and trying to prove that they are right. Well, since the dawn of time, quarrels and fights have had one purpose -- to publicly proclaim one's dominance over another. And while that happens on the streets of Dhaka, pedestrians and other passers-by get the golden opportunity to catch a free comedy show, usually rated R for profane language. However, when you are travelling with your parents and a rickshaw-wala and a bus conductor are calling each other the obscenities, it can get pretty awkward.
So, here we are to end this once and for all, and announce for everybody's convenience which vehicle ranks where in the Dhaka streets hierarchy. Be informed that this ranking was made based on the following factors: size of vehicle, weight of vehicle, dangerousness of vehicle, possibility of not being smashed in a collision, ability to get out of trouble with or without using intimidation.

TRUCK:
The heaviest and the deadliest, trucks come first in the hierarchy of Dhaka streets without a doubt. Reason? It's not just about the size; their build and curves alongside the really heavy bumpers only remind me of an enraged Hulk, ready to smash, which trucks sometimes do, for the record. Moreover, the intimidating warnings that the trucks sport alongside the artwork on the back, such as “Stay a 100 feet away”, also speaks of its ferocity as a vehicle, which in turn implies a nonchalant attitude of its driver when on the road.

BUS:
If a truck is Hulk, a bus can easily be The Big Show. Buses are in fact very dangerous, courtesy of their size and the recklessness of their drivers, and we often read about road accidents caused by buses around the city. Yet, it is Dhaka's most used transport that helps millions commute each day. Due to our love-hate relationship with it, bus gets to take the second spot. But wait, there are subdivisions; highway buses come first, followed by city buses, and then the local ones, otherwise known as “murir tin”.

MINI BUS:
Also known as Maxi, but I know not why, Mini Buses are like the average teenager -- too small to mingle with the adults, and too big to play with the children. Although they are equally useful and a little less dangerous than the bus, mini-buses occupy the next spot. Tempus can be classified under mini bus.

PRIVATE CARS:
I'm sure many of you have been enraged so far learning that your beautiful (read: modified) Corolla doesn't beat the public transports. But hey, think about it in terms of physics. If your car collides with a bus coming from the opposite direction at the same speed, according to the laws of physics (or common sense), more damage will be inflicted on your car. Now, having established the grounds on where private cars stand in the hierarchy, let's talk about the types. Microbuses and SUVs stand together, to be followed by the typical sedans, hatchbacks and micro-cars respectively. FYI, taxi cabs fall under the category of private cars, sort of.

CNG DRIVEN AUTO-RICKSHAWS:
I still fondly recall the Baby Taxi that haven't been used in Dhaka since the turn of the century. CNGs replaced those with the promise of a greener Bangladesh, as implied by the green colour they sport. But if you have been on CNGs recently, you'd know that they are not pocket friendly, and regardless of the passenger side that resembles a cage, CNGs see quite a bit of mugging and snatching. Moreover, the signs on their backs saying, “Ami chhoto, amake marben na” (I'm tiny, don't hit me), do little to help CNGs' reputation as cowardly vehicles, although that may not be the case. With all that in mind, this is where CNGs are to be placed in the
ranking.

RICKSHAWS:
Rickshaws are our all time favourite means of relaxed commuting. Besides being low-cost and reliable, rickshaws are airy and allow you to philosophically gaze at the stars at night while cruising down the streets as the “Rasta'r Raja”, as often claimed by the illustrations on the back. But in accordance with the laws of physics that we discussed earlier, rickshaws are in a vulnerable position. Add the risk of getting mugged or snatched from while on a rickshaw, and it puts the vehicle further below. But not to fret, dear rickshaw lovers, because the rickshaws have “Ma-er Dowa”, which alleviates the risks infinitesimally and puts rickshaws at a higher position than even motor cycles.

MOTOR CYCLES:
Those who own motor cycles love their rides; motor bikes are easy to ride on, can elude the traffic, and give you a breath of not-so-fresh air. Having said all that, it can be pretty unsafe for the rider, as motor bikes are usually caught in quite a bit of accidents. Especially in danger are the ladies who sit on the back of their beaus' motor cycles and in their lovey-dovey spirit ignore to put on their helmets. Well, we hate to interrupt your intimacy, but could the rider and the passenger both remember to put on the helmets, please? Oh and for the record, it's because of them that motor cycles have been pulled below rickshaws. Sorry riders, blame the couples!

THELA-GARI:
Very unfortunately, thela-garis seldom carry people. It would be an amazing ride for those on it. Regardless of that, it can easily be capsized by a pit in the ground, putting it at this position in the ranking.

CYCLES:
More and more people are taking up cycling for commuting. Although it is good for health, cycling comes last because of its high risk factor. And in a collision of a cycle with a thela-gari, more damage will be inflicted on the former. I'm getting a feeling that an angry mob on cycles is coming after me for putting cycles at the bottom of the hierarchy. And tomorrow is Bike Friday. Uh oh.
I'd been wondering where to put pedestrians, given the parameters on which this ranking is based on, but then I realized that pedestrians aren't vehicles. Well, so long as pedestrians aren't walking dead right in the middle of the road, I'd say they are more or less safe.
Regardless of our personal opinions and preferences, it can be said that we all really want assurance of safety on the roads. Now, whichever vehicle we are using to commute, regardless of its position in our ranking, we should keep in mind the one simple fact: the streets are for everyone, so we should keep it safe and civilized for all. That means no relieving yourself on the roadsides too.