Dragonfly

'Tap.'
I don't look up.
A small 'thud.'
Annoyed, I look up to check what's trying to break my window.
A dragonfly.

The first Kalbaishakhi of the year is here. It is fierce and the few trees we have in our home in Dhanmondi don't look like they're going to survive the storm.
But that wasn't bothering me at the moment.
I have an exam tomorrow and the environment is perfect for studying.
Or at least it was until the dragonfly came to my window.

I look at the not-so-little insect. It looks worn-out. And a few more minutes outside in the storm will kill it. Now, I was never a big fan of insects. And I literally detested the ones that could fly, which is approximately all of them. But this time I really want to help. I look at it and its giant eyes make it look helpless. And, I'm pretty sure it's in my head, but the way it is moving its mouth, it looks like it's crying out for help.
But then again, it's a pretty big dragonfly. It'd be quite a nuisance if I let it into my room.
It's happening again,' I think.
Every time I want to help someone, I overthink and back out. Every damned time.
It's not like I've never wanted to give away five hundred bucks from my Eidi to some beggar.
But then I think what if the other beggars swarm around me and want money too?
What do I do then?
Or worse, what if he hands the note back to me and says 'Bhangti nai' and walks away?
How embarrassing would that be!
Then there was this time when I wanted to ask an old man in the mosque if he needed help to get down the stairs.
But then it struck me, it might offend him.
He might realize he's old and weak, and that he was a burden.
So I didn't.
And so I've never managed to help anyone properly.
I refuse to do the same thing again.
Let this be a new beginning.
I open the window. The dragonfly jumps in.
It looks around for a few seconds and then flies straight into the ceiling-fan and gets cleanly chopped in two.
Good thing I never help real people.

Kidwa Arif, 17, is an SSC examinee at St Joseph Higher Secondary School.