'Nasty secrets must be told'
Rubayet Hamid's report (June 13) 'Bringing child sexual abuse out of the closet' must have made many readers feel sad and helpless. However, we all have a duty to help children to defend themselves against abuse - and can do one thing - as family members, teachers, servants, neighbours or friends - and principals can say it in school assemblies! Tell them that a 'secret' can be nasty as well as nice - and that nasty secrets must be TOLD.
Children love secrets - like preparing a surprise for Daddy's birthday! They quickly learn that 'secrets' are things you do NOT tell and, if you do, then you are being very naughty…hush! Many child abusers use this love of 'secrets' to manipulate their child victim by saying, “This is our little SECRET!” The child then feels compelled not to tell anyone what is going on and this becomes part of the damaging psychological and emotional abuse that accompanies any physical abuse.
We must tell every child that, if anyone does anything to them that they do not like and then tells them not to tell anyone, then that is a NASTY secret and they MUST 'tell' and, if they do, they are not being naughty but doing the right thing!
A useful expression for the person they should tell is 'a trusted adult' - not another child, please, who may not act fast enough - and not always a family member because (sadly) abuse can come from within a family…. In the UK, if that person is a teacher, then the teacher, by law, must tell the Head, and the Head, by law, has to tell the police. That protects teachers against action by families wanting to stop the 'secret' going public.
Oh! - and training children to shout, “Don't do that! I don't like it!” can be daunting to abusers also! I have got small children to practice that in class, looking someone in the eye and sounding fierce! Moreover, you need not use the word 'sex' as you are teaching a general principle.
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