Write to Mita
Dear Mita,
My wife and I divorced two years back, and we agreed to share custody of our son. Initially, my ex-wife was quite civil about the divorce, and wouldn't hesitate in dropping our son off to my place during the weekends. However, she has been dating someone from the last two months. Even though I don't have any problem with this new development, my ex-wife is behaving very strangely with me; she is being quite rude and doesn't answer when I call to inquire about my son. I ignored this problem as long as I could but for the last three weeks, she is not letting me meet my child, stating some reason or another as an excuse. I don't really understand what's going on and would like to settle this matter without having to go to court. What can I do to let my ex-wife understand that I don't mind her new relationship as long as she doesn't cut off or limit my contact with my only child?
Worried Dad
Dear Worried Dad,
What your wife is doing is wrong . She is not living up to an agreement which was made in good faith. I agree going to court does not help and moreover has a negative impact on the child. Please try to meet and talk to her. If possible get a mediator whom both of you trust. She must understand that a child needs the love and care of both parents. Keeping him away from you will ultimately result in resentment towards her by your son. Convey to her strongly that you don't want to take legal action and should not force you to do that.
Dear Mita,
I am a 45 year old widow and my daughter recently left the country to attend college in the United States. My husband passed away when my child was only ten and she is all I have to call my own. Even though I am extremely proud of my daughter and excited that she's about to start this new chapter in life, I am having a terrible time dealing with her absence at home. I sometimes feel quite depressed and often cry when I am alone, but don't let my daughter know of all this. My daughter and I are very close and I miss not being able to talk to her or see her on a daily basis. Well-wishers are being kind and supportive but some people blame me, saying that I'm being 'selfish' and 'inconsiderate.' Please tell me how I can get out of this rut and make everyone understand that I need time to adjust to this recent change.
Not Selfish
Dear Unselfish,
Those people calling you selfish are just being insensitive, please ignore them. What you are going through is natural and so is your reaction. A child leaving home is a very traumatic experience for most parents but specially for you having gone though so much tragedy. You are right, time is the best healer. You will slowly get used to it. However, with advancement in technology, she is just a skype away, make full use of it. Plan it in a way that you can have long chats , jokes and laughs. If you are not already in a career then get involved in something worthwhile. Believe me its going to be fine.
Dear Mita,
I am a 30 year old housewife who has been married for the last five years. From the last one year, I'm beginning to feel that my marriage is falling apart. It's not like I don't love my husband but I just can't seem to connect with him anymore. We don't have any children, as we have decided to be financially stable before we get kids. However, we barely even talk to each other and sometime spend the whole day without saying a word to each other. It feels like we are taking each other for granted. I've often tried to speak to my husband about all this but he rubbishes my concerns stating that everything's fine. I don't really know what to do now. Should I put more effort to make this relationship work or should I just accept the fact that this marriage won't work? Please help!
Lonely and Confused
Dear Lonely and Confused,
There are many reasons for marriages to fall apart. The most common one is lack of communication. It seems you both are failing to communicate to each other your feelings and concerns. It is just not normal for you both not to be speaking to each other for the whole days. 5 years is nothing, you both should be at the height of your physical and emotional excitement. There is certainly something very wrong going on and if both of you don't confront it now then few years down the line might be too late. Yes of course you shoul make an efforet to make it work, but that effort must come from both of you.
My wife and I divorced two years back, and we agreed to share custody of our son. Initially, my ex-wife was quite civil about the divorce, and wouldn't hesitate in dropping our son off to my place during the weekends. However, she has been dating someone from the last two months. Even though I don't have any problem with this new development, my ex-wife is behaving very strangely with me; she is being quite rude and doesn't answer when I call to inquire about my son. I ignored this problem as long as I could but for the last three weeks, she is not letting me meet my child, stating some reason or another as an excuse. I don't really understand what's going on and would like to settle this matter without having to go to court. What can I do to let my ex-wife understand that I don't mind her new relationship as long as she doesn't cut off or limit my contact with my only child?
Worried Dad
Dear Worried Dad,
What your wife is doing is wrong . She is not living up to an agreement which was made in good faith. I agree going to court does not help and moreover has a negative impact on the child. Please try to meet and talk to her. If possible get a mediator whom both of you trust. She must understand that a child needs the love and care of both parents. Keeping him away from you will ultimately result in resentment towards her by your son. Convey to her strongly that you don't want to take legal action and should not force you to do that.
Dear Mita,
I am a 45 year old widow and my daughter recently left the country to attend college in the United States. My husband passed away when my child was only ten and she is all I have to call my own. Even though I am extremely proud of my daughter and excited that she's about to start this new chapter in life, I am having a terrible time dealing with her absence at home. I sometimes feel quite depressed and often cry when I am alone, but don't let my daughter know of all this. My daughter and I are very close and I miss not being able to talk to her or see her on a daily basis. Well-wishers are being kind and supportive but some people blame me, saying that I'm being 'selfish' and 'inconsiderate.' Please tell me how I can get out of this rut and make everyone understand that I need time to adjust to this recent change.
Not Selfish
Dear Unselfish,
Those people calling you selfish are just being insensitive, please ignore them. What you are going through is natural and so is your reaction. A child leaving home is a very traumatic experience for most parents but specially for you having gone though so much tragedy. You are right, time is the best healer. You will slowly get used to it. However, with advancement in technology, she is just a skype away, make full use of it. Plan it in a way that you can have long chats , jokes and laughs. If you are not already in a career then get involved in something worthwhile. Believe me its going to be fine.
Dear Mita,
I am a 30 year old housewife who has been married for the last five years. From the last one year, I'm beginning to feel that my marriage is falling apart. It's not like I don't love my husband but I just can't seem to connect with him anymore. We don't have any children, as we have decided to be financially stable before we get kids. However, we barely even talk to each other and sometime spend the whole day without saying a word to each other. It feels like we are taking each other for granted. I've often tried to speak to my husband about all this but he rubbishes my concerns stating that everything's fine. I don't really know what to do now. Should I put more effort to make this relationship work or should I just accept the fact that this marriage won't work? Please help!
Lonely and Confused
Dear Lonely and Confused,
There are many reasons for marriages to fall apart. The most common one is lack of communication. It seems you both are failing to communicate to each other your feelings and concerns. It is just not normal for you both not to be speaking to each other for the whole days. 5 years is nothing, you both should be at the height of your physical and emotional excitement. There is certainly something very wrong going on and if both of you don't confront it now then few years down the line might be too late. Yes of course you shoul make an efforet to make it work, but that effort must come from both of you.
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