THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE

Aries
Practice some tongue-twisters today. It'll help one day. 

Taurus
The bottle seems oddly appealing doesn't it? Go ahead. Drink dat_milk.

Gemini
Don't play GEMS with my heart. </3

Cancer
*insert picture of weaboo here* 

Leo
Be proud like the Premier League lion. 

Virgo
Did you cheat a pretty Cali girl tonight? 

Libra
Adam Sandler is your mascot.

Scorpio
Get over here!

Sagittarius
Does Trump wear a toupee?

Capricorn
We need to build more pylons! 

Aquarius
Water, water everywhere; not a drop to dunk. 

Pisces
Do NOT approach that dude who wants to sell you *insert appropriate kitchen utensil here*.