STAGES OF BEING LATE

Amidst sexism, speciesism, all sorts of cataclysms, we often forget the little things in our lives that lead to more humiliating, if not devastating, circumstances. While some of us are utterly unaware of these treacherous little things – a divine miracle from the sleep gods – the commoners will always and forever, despise early morning classes from the bottom of their hearts. In fact, the hatred is so strong they are often willing to experience the tried-and-tested inevitable stages of getting late repeatedly without qualms. 

Denial: The alarm goes off, throwing you off the bed like the devil made a note to come down all the way from his apartment in hell to ensure that you are denied the luxury of sleep. You look at the watch and smile. It is only five minutes past your wake-up time (remember you have already snoozed 20 times in the last hour). Two more minutes won't harm you and then it hits you. YOU ARE LATE. Prepare yourself for a frantic and desperate search through that pile of books gathering dust and the tangle of clothes in your wardrobe while you incessantly calculate how much time it will take you to brush, eat, get dressed, make your way through traffic, and finally step into the premise of your school. Forty-five minutes if you start right away, that's not too bad or so you think until all you have is 10 minutes in your hand.

Anger: You have officially entered the territory of wrath and fury. You start throwing things around, mutter to yourself and curse everyone – from your teacher to your peers – who make it to class on time. Are they even human, you ask yourself. In your moment of blind rage, you question their genus, character, loyalty, and their level of expertise on sleeping. All because your clock defied you and ran faster. Mental note: fix that clock. It is getting out of hand.

Bargaining: Ten minutes. You appeal to the gods of traffic and road and time. You step out, shoes in your hands, with only the front part of shirt ironed desperately hoping that no one would notice the back. Maybe creases are in fashion now.

Guilt: Of course the roads are packed. You have known this all your life. The promises you never kept start dawning on you; you have failed yourself.  Wake up on time, you did not. Finishing your less than 500 words assignment never happened as well. It's time to wear your scarlet letter and let the world treat you like a leper.

Acceptance: All hope is not lost. You have watched The Princess Diaries and Lord of the Rings. What is that one lesson these movies taught you? A queen or a wizard is never late; everyone else is either early or you simply strut into the classroom when you mean to because hey, it's your life. You are the boss. You don't live your life by the clock and that is absolutely fine. Unless you have a test on that day, of course.

Befriend early birds at your own risk. They will either transform you or make you feel absolutely miserable with their smiles of pity and empathy as you interrupt the lecture to partake in the activity that required your presence 10 minutes ago.

Imani Khaled is an animal lover, forerunner of her imaginary anti-frizz campaign, and sketches exotic travel plans all day, every day. Reach her at imanikhaled@gmail.com