YOU

I am calm and numb as I write. Rendering the intangible passion and pain I feel into a framework of words gives me peace; at least for a while. But tonight I am not writing for me, I am not writing in an earnest frenzy to articulate my emotions. I am only writing for you.
You say I over-think everything, ruminating on every word spoken and unspoken till I have made a muddle of it all. But that is who I am.
And, I am in love with you.
I am saying it devoid of eloquence and naked of adjectives, because for once I am absolutely sure of being totally unsure about this, and it's alright. Also, you always tell me not to over-think, and I never listen.
I love arguing with you about insignificant issues. I love telling you about my hopes and dreams. Even more, I love hearing about yours. If I have a good day, I have to tell you about it. If I have a bad day, I have to tell you about it. And you make me laugh despite everything. It is the little things you say that make the biggest difference.
I used to think I was better than you. Because I read mature books and you read fantasy novels. Because I watch the meaningful movies and you indulge in shallow humor. But, that isn't true. You can be rational in cases where I behave like a bratty child and ground me back to the real world. You have a hand in making me a better human being.
How can I be so sure that you are the one? Simple, whereas I look for virtues in the other guys I thought I loved; I have always looked for flaws in you. Because, with you I lose control, with you I come to the edge with every word and every touch.
I think your biggest flaw is that you always tell yourself you could if you tried. I don't know, but it is possible you have never understood that you can fail even though you tried, and perhaps that fear of failing and that arrogance of “I could if I wanted to” holds you back from trying at all. And, I hate that: because I also see myself doing it.
You are very angry with me right now. You are telling yourself that I know nothing about you because you have never told me anything about yourself. But, oh my dear you have. I can say with certainty you know me best, and understand that I know you well… if not best.
We both have our fair share of anger and arrogance and ego. And, we can both be cruel. Our philosophies of life are totally different. Our moral and ethical beliefs clash. We have a lot to criticize and critique about each other. And, we have yet to do all that we have said. We have yet to face the test of time, jealousy, suspicion, family complications and the dullness of daily togetherness.
On the other hand, I think of our conversations. Those endless and indescribable things we call phone calls. Even the face-to-face talks where for a perpetual second our eyes would interlock. You are the person I love spending time with the most. You are witty and romantic and you make me feel good about myself in a bad way. I love your voice, your smile, your touch: I love you.
And perhaps it's a teenage delusion born out of longing for meaning and a craving for company. Perhaps it is the real thing. But, if there is one thing I know about love, it is that you never have to ask why. I love you, it is simply that; I love you. Then you never have to wonder what is left when all that you have loved a person for is gone. Then you have eternity.
I am sorry; I started out saying I wouldn't make this about myself and that I wouldn't unnecessarily complicate it. But I did, and I am sorry.
Believe me, staying at this dead end of our “dynamic” is bliss. But, I can't, I want more. I want to see you and I want to do all the stupid couples' things with you. Ok, maybe not really do all the couple things, but I want to be able to nonetheless.
I know it's a huge commitment, and I know you are unsure. My reason tells me it's because while you tolerate me for the light-heartedness of it all, you are not really in love with me. My heart's opinion on the matter I choose to ignore.
So, here it is. I am in this. I am ready for the commitment. And I am not afraid of seeming vulnerable when I tell you I am in it body and soul. Please, do me this one favor. If you are not in it as much as I am, end everything. I cannot be “just friends” with someone I am in love with. Every second of it would be pain in the guise of pleasure.
So if you don't stand with me. End it, because I can't…
                    
For A