Characters at a Wedding

Bengali weddings are about big, happy faces. Though there are hundreds of them at a typical wedding, some characters, we can vouch, are common to every wedding you have attended till date.
The Photobomber - Whoever you are, I know you look nice. But you don't have to be a part of every picture. Why go stand in the middle of the newly-wed couple? They haven't adopted you. Off the stage, now! Also, when I say a family picture, I actually mean a “family” picture. So, please step aside for I know how 'crop' works.
The Glutton - A guest at a wedding is entitled to a single piece of roast and kebab but this uncle doesn't conform to the rules. And yeah, no stereotyping but this usually is a man, maybe in his forties, asking the waiter for an extra piece of roast and commanding the person next to him to pass the bowl of mutton curry for the fifth time. In the meanwhile, he has finished an entire pitcher of borhani.
The Bride's Sister - There was no problem if this person was actually the bride's sister but as you might have guessed by now, she isn't. She is someone who is the daughter of a distant cousin of the bride's uncle's nephew. Geddit? Well, same here. She will dance to all the Bollywood songs that there are, put on the trendiest of jewellery, the heaviest of make-up and the prettiest of henna. She also gets a lot of attention because she looks as glittery as someone right out of a Hindi daily soap. Needless to say, men with DSLRs chase her and vice versa.
The Pakhi Bhabi - She is the living and breathing matrimony dot com. She has a son, in most cases whose name is Bablu. Well, Bablu is intelligent and good-looking and has an MBA in engineering. What? Bablu's mother is looking for a bride for him and she has delightfully laid her eyes on you. Hey auntie, your son is too good for me, just saying.
The Wedding Crasher - Ah, this needs no introduction. Every wedding has at least 2 to 3 people who are just, well, there. The most interesting thing is that they are not even people starving for good food. They are suited up, accented and use expensive perfumes. They also dare to walk up the stage and take selfies with the couple which later can be posted on social media with the hashtags 'wedding crash' and 'badass.'
The Cheek Choker - We know you have faced it even if you consider yourself to be a macho man or a strong woman. You had no idea she was your relative until she spotted you, grabbed you by the hand and started to feed you stories of how you were allergic to diapers as a baby. From time to time, she pulls your cheeks so hard that you realise why songs like 'Let It Go' are so meaningful.

ILLUSTRATION: HUMAIRAH SHAMS