Dealing with a Clingy Ex

Imagine trying to balance on a unicycle while simultaneously juggling razor sharp knives; do not underestimate the precarious predicament of having to deal with a clingy ex. His/her obsessive behaviour should not flatter you or worse, convince you to get back together. Let's say you're wise enough to know that you have to get rid of your ex. Now the problem is, you don't want to be a jerk but you don't want to appear too nice either. So, what can you do?
Taylor Swift should be your role model...
Make it clear to them and yourself that you guys are never ever ever ever getting back together. There is no need to be harsh but you must make the message clear to your ex. If you beat about the bush too much, your significant other may misinterpret your decision to break up as a pause or as a demand for more attention from him/her. If they still incessantly text or call you, don't encourage their clingy behaviour because you pity them. Instead of giving them false hope, be blunt about the fact that their actions are bothering you and are borderline creepy.
...But don't write a song if you can help it
Even after a mutual break-up, your ex might be badmouthing you in front of your common friends. This is classic vindictive clinginess. Now you might have a few choice remarks to make as well but I urge you to resist the temptation. Trust me, it only makes you appear like a sore loser. Of course you can discuss the situation with your confidantes and take their advice, but putting up long statuses and making a reality show of your personal problems is not in your best interests. Even the people who are showing solidarity with you in the comments might be laughing at you behind your back. Your true friends will not be swayed by your ex's remarks about you, so don't fret about it.
Know when it's time to go nuclear
When the situation becomes unmanageable don't be scared to take action, but give your ex a warning before you block them out completely. On a more serious note, if you notice your ex is physically stalking you or is being uncomfortably erratic, then please get help as soon as possible. Talk to your parents and complain to the police if you have to. Violent attacks are not uncommon.
Dealing with a clingy ex can be confusing and emotionally stressful. However before you deal with your ex, you have to tame your own wild sentiments. Reiterate the reasons you ended the relationship to start with. If you do decide to get back together, remember that there is a possibility your ex will always resent you for breaking up in the first place and might constantly bring it up in future arguments. On the other hand they might mend their ways and transform into the best partner ever. Yet chances of the latter
happening are slim. Do you really need to take that chance when there are so many other fish
in the sea?