Musings
Bit of Happiness
Monsur Ul Karim, Composition, acrylic on canvas, 2005.
Do we not all yearn for things that we can never have? Yes we do. We do it every day. Consciously…subconsciously… knowingly….unwittingly…that is the very essence of the human soul. And no amount of social seclusion and no amount of religious rules can tame the human condition from seeking out a little bit of happiness.
This city of 15 million is no exception. Social barriers are in tatters. Social networks on the net, television dishing out sleazy third rate serials, internet and a race for riches all combined have given us a “brave new world”. And we all yearn for a 'bit of happiness'.
And on one of these days, Mr Apple got a call from Ms Orange. The call was unexpected. Apple was scared to death of Orange. Orange was, in every sense of the word, a living dragon who breathed fire at all apples except her “beau”. So, the call, when it came was more than unexpected, it was downright intimidating. Orange had called to say “sorry” for barking out the other day when Apple had called to get the number of “beau”. 'A' was relieved (oh thank God! So, 'O' was human after all).
The first call was the beginning. There were other calls and then came internet, the network that makes us all members of one big happy family. And the ubiquitous phone that 'unites the human race'. A and O lived and worked in different parts of the city. They never met (except once in a blue moon when some musical event was afoot somewhere in the city…that too long and far between). Yet, somehow, somewhere a “connection” had been established. Over wireless…over the 'social hub'; and it felt like 'heaven'.
But it wasn't. It was the pain of separation that heightened the senses. The loneliness that came from not being able to communicate with one's partners that brought about the “emptiness”. The yearning to just 'talk' to someone who understood what was going on drove the two towards one another, it was magnetic. And it's happening every day, in every neighborhood, in every family. That awful emptiness one feels despite being surrounded by loved ones, people who care: husbands, wives, lovers….but it never goes away, does it?
Somewhere down the line 'A' realised…there is no “happy ending”. 'O' needed to fill the void of a partner who was never around. And this was an infatuation born out of the fact that they never met, never saw each other. A monologue that involved only the sound of the other's voice: full of longing, yearning…the need to reach out, the need to feel the other's touch, the need to feel 'alive', 'wanted', 'needed'. But that was never going to happen was it? This was 'Alice in Wonderland' with a twist. This was St. Petersburg during the 'white nights' where the sun never set for 3 days in the height of summer; a city of bridges and museums and palaces, where lovers of all shades and hues lost themselves in their love for history, art and the “arts”. But at the end of the day, the “white nights” only lasted three glorious days and then the leaves would start falling. And the skies would be greying. The warmth of the summer sun would fade away to make way for the bone-chilling Russian winter that would come inevitably, before a lovely autumn.
Yes, autumn would come. And autumn did come for 'A' one fine morning. There was nothing to be done, except walk away from the “dream” that could never last. And 'A' and 'O' parted company, which is ironic isn't it? For they hardly ever met and the love they felt for one another was all practically “virtual”. But the feelings were tangible. You could literally cut it with a knife. So, autumn turned to winter and the soul yearned for something more. Who knows how 'A' and 'O' dealt with their individual conditions? Theirs is a story that ended cleanly. There are thousands of 'O's and 'A's out there whose story didn't have an ending that was nice. When the lines blur between what is important and what is not; relationships fall apart.
And it's happening everyday in our city of 15 million or so. Religion, social norms and barriers are in tatters. The urban heart yearns for more. Yearns for the little things in life that money cannot buy and it will always hunt for a “soul” mate. That's just the way it is. The sooner we realise it, the sooner we may deal with it. But we never do and we never will. There will always be 'A's and 'O's trying to balance their lives between what is “acceptable” and what is not. They will play their little games. They will lead double lives. The lure of the “unacceptable” will always propel them to seek out 'a bit of happiness' regardless of the consequences. It's a bit like what Paulo Coelho once said…with a twist: “One day you will wake up and there won't be any more time to do the things you've always wanted. Do it now.”
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