Writing the Wrong
We Are The Champions
It's starting to dawn on me-- we have to be our own champions. We have to be the ones, on the sidelines, rooting ourselves on, telling ourselves when we take a spill or hit the goal post, “that's ok, walk it off, walk it off! Keep going!” or when we actually manage to hit the mark, we have to give our selves honest praise. Other people's approbation and support always helps, especially in childhood, but in the end, it's all up to us. No one cares more than you do, right? About what happens to you, or if that project you've been working on forever is a success or as flawless as it can be? I realised gradually, though it feels sudden, that part of the reason I have had so many missteps in my personal journey to be a working artist is because I kept waiting for a gladiator to show up and face the lions with me. As a result I picked quite a few duds to help me because I refused to recognise a fundamental truth, that, in the end, I have to be a gladiator and a warrior princess in every aspect of my life. Because of my paradoxical fear of taking ownership of my own dreams and passion, I only attracted foot soldiers and, in some cases MERCENARIES who were working only for their own interests. I have been angry at these types. The thing is I have only myself to blame. I am the common denominator in all these scenarios.
When I was younger I made the mistake of waiting for, not a champion, but a mentor. I suppose a mentor is another manifestation of a champion. But I was waiting for my limited notion of what a mentor is, sort of a Hollywood version of a Socratic Guru who would impart avuncular wisdom, accompanied by some kind of beatific music and lighting, though no loin cloth or unkempt beard. He/she would be perpetually bemused by my eager, but naïve perspective about life and art. They would shake their head at my foolishness and gently, but definitively set me straight. They would stand back and allow me to fall, but would be vigilant just in case I needed them to catch me. They would reach for their key ring, groaning with all sorts of keys that would open all sorts of doors because they believed that I was talented. They would hand me just the right key at just the right moment.
This did not happen, at least not in that way. I have had teachers in the form of veteran writers, friends, enemies, family, and just plain experience. Good and bad. In the end, I have to unlock my own doors and find the appropriate keys. I also have had to learn which doors to peek through and which to slam shut.
Some people are lucky to have someone who will usher them through the gates to the promise land of success—whatever that may be. It's different for everyone. But most of us really do have to figure it all out on our own. This does not mean I did not have people who helped me or tried to. When I look back on my creative life and the pursuit of art as a means of livelihood, there have many people who have been generous with their time and advice. Doors have not swung wide open for me, they have slowly creaked open here and there, but they have done so consistently. The fact is everyone's journey is different. Comparison is self –defeating, and in some cases, paralyzing. That is one of the biggest lessons I am learning. It's not easy to refrain from using others' success as a yardstick against your own. But I am here to tell you- people really should not do that.
Comparison can be demeaning to oneself, and can prevent productivity. The reality is that there are plenty of people who will do that for you; especially when you start taking chances or putting yourself out there. I am not talking just about in a public way, but in terms of how you conduct yourself at work or in your personal life. There will always be someone who will appear to be tearing you down. Another massive lesson is that more often than not, it's not personal. Or just has nothing to do with who you actually are. So, why on earth would you add to that by comparing yourself to others?
This notion that we have to be our own best friend, and biggest fan in the end really came to me after I got divorced. Now I am not talking about being conceited and constantly tooting your own horn. That is more of a sign of self -doubt than self -confidence. I am talking about knowing fundamentally that you should care for yourself and understanding what your strengths and weaknesses are. Some people are lucky enough to simply go through life believing in themselves. Others, like me, have to constantly remind themselves that, in fact, they deserve to have everything they want from life, be it love, or success. Because I forget this basic and imperative truth from time to time, I settle for situations, deals, people, that don't necessarily reflect the measure of who I really am. I have noticed that women especially tend to do this.
I realised with a start recently that I criticize myself an awful lot and many of my friends (female) do it to themselves too. Life can either be a constant barrage of negativity or love. It's up to me to decide. You know even as I am writing this, I am being critical. I am thinking that none of what I am writing is remotely new; it has been done before, and as a (rather tactless, but loveable) friend once pointed out, by someone more famous most likely, though she was talking about my more political articles. You see? Old habits. That's ok, walk it off, Sharb, walk it off!
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