OSCARS 2017 BEST PICTURE NOMINEES

Baiting Hooks
Daniel Day-Lewis stars as a flustered suburban mom helping her 15-year old son (played by Leonardo DiCaprio), cope with the double-amputation he had to get due to a dance-off gone horribly wrong. Emotions run high in this film as both actors constantly try to outperform each other by hogging up screen-time and shouting their dialogue. This leads up to the tear-jerking finale where Leo beats all odds and finally wins the National Fishing League (NFL).
Paul: “Both of them are nominated for the Best Actor award. I guess we all know who's going to lose. Haha. Ha-haha. Ha-haha-haha.”

24 Hours a Black Man
Watch Andre, a single dad of three children, as he navigates a day in his completely ordinary life. Be amazed as he spends his day doing the most mundane things imaginable like, walking his kids to school, washing the dishes, buying groceries, paying the bills, crying over his dead wife, doing taxes, watering the plants, feeding the cat, having a midlife crisis, eating a taco, walking kids back from school, cooking dinner, washing the dishes. That's it. That's the movie.
Paul: “There are two kinds of people in this world: People who absolutely adore this movie, and filthy goddamn racists.”

Coach Carter: The Second Coming
Adam Sandler, in a comeback that no one saw coming (or even asked for), lost 80 pounds in two months and underwent facial reconstructive surgery to look like the late Samuel L. Jackson, who tragically passed away last year due to car parking related violence. In a desperate last ditch attempt to stay relevant, Sandler gives a heart-warming performance as Coach Carter, training the kids from the previous movie for one last match. Featuring original music from Coldplay, the film ends with an incredibly emotional 30 minute speech that borrows from all the best parts of Braveheart and Gladiator, and quotes Einstein to a bunch of jocks.
Paul: *manly tears*

只有愚蠢的人喜歡這個
This 5-hour long film does not feature any actors. Shot over a 15 year period using nothing but Motorola flip-phones, this film follows the lives of a family of zebras going through existential crisis as they find themselves trapped in a continuous loop of eating grass and being eaten by lions. Abandoning conventional editing techniques of the Hollywood elite, the film frequently cuts to home movies of the director's childhood with music from Pink Floyd remixed by the director himself using Virtual DJ, ending in a dream sequence featuring people in zebra costumes talking directly to the viewer.
Paul: “The film is obviously a metaphor for the repressed childhood of the director, who is arguably the greatest genius to ever grace the medium. Anyone who dislikes this film obviously doesn't get it.”

Biopic Man: The Biopic
This movie follows the life of Gibny Oscar, a 5-time Academy Award winning director. Watch Gibny's life unfold as he makes films about the lives of famous people (that are obviously completely historically accurate and not at all biased by his political beliefs). Witness him battle his alcoholism, and wonder why he isn't actually addicted to the PepsiTM that he flashes to the screen every other minute. Cry as he constantly loses custody of his children, and then cry some more as he struggles with their names. A beautiful film, truly.
Paul: “This movie made me tear up. There's something so universal about the problems of a 50 year old rich white man, y'know?”