Football King delivers victory speech in another unopposed election

Football King Aloo-deen is sitting quietly on his chair at a function celebrating his latest victory in the top-most position of a local almost religious association.

He doesn't like to talk much. He doesn't act much either. His favourite pastime is staying sat, for hours, on his special chair. The chair is so dear to him that whenever he has to go anywhere, he takes it with him.

So he's sitting on his chair through all the words of praise that are being thrown at him by his fans and followers.

"Our leader is the chosen one, the special one, the one and only one," one sycophant says in a raised voice. "No point challenging him."

"If there was a college on election mechanism, our leader would have surely been the principal of it," says another zealot, not noticing the apparent embarrassment on Aloo-deen's face.

Aloo-deen knows deep down he has failed to meet the lofty promises he had made. Yet he gets a sadistic pleasure, realising how his failures and election victories have gone hand-in-hand.

As the speakers continue their make-believe stories of Aloo-deen's superpowers, the old man decides to take a walk down the memory lane, back to the time he first contested these polls, many moons ago.

Those were tough times, he remembers. He even chuckles a bit, thinking how easy it has become for him to be elected these days. "Just put my name on the list and bingo."

There was this one time when he was just beginning to feel the heat, but then all of a sudden, his rival met a tragic end on the road. Aloo-deen shed a tear or two at his rival's funeral.

Another time he really thought his time would be up, but just the day before the election, his opponent disappeared without a trace. Human rights activists called it a case of 'enforced disappearance', but Aloo-deen saw divine intervention.

He may only be leading a local almost religious body, but his position entails a lot of perks -- trips to world summits at exotic venues, share of funds meant to be used for people's good and, not to mention, connections in the highest of places. He knows that the last one is worth dying for.

It is fabled that the Football King, in his youth, had performed holy rituals more than any other living being in his land. And it is rumoured that his election victories are a form of reward from above for his holy deeds.

There are non-believers, though, who argue that the rewards do not come from any celestial abode; instead they come from within some corridors of mortal power.

Aloo-deen doesn't care though. "Haters will hate", he says.

Aloo-deen's trance is broken by a call to the dais. He wipes the smirk off his face and walks up to deliver his victory speech.

"I had a dream," he begins, as the gathering bellows, "All hail Aloo-deen."

"I had a dream the other night. I saw my chair speaking to me, pleading me not to leave him at the mercy of someone else," Aloo-deen continues.

"I woke up and thought long about it. I realised the dream was in the purest of hours and the chair wasn't a chair, it was a holy spirit egging me to go on and on and on," he says as the crowd chants, "Long lead our leader."

"I had dreams before," Aloo-deen proceeds. "But those dreams came at evil hours and evils in our midst didn't let me turn my dreams into reality.

"But I have rid those evils from amongst us. So this dream will come true and with blessings from above, we will reach our destination soon," he concludes his speech as his fans go wild, lifting Aloo-deen and his magic chair above their head.

And so it was said. And so it was.