Women relocation drive: Rape incidents to fall to only 6 per day

The country gears up for celebration as incidents of rape are set to fall to only six per day following a women relocation drive by the Dhoka city authorities.

Although initially heavily-criticised as a sexist plan, the city's mayor has said it is the best and ONLY plan ever conceived to protect the women in the city. "This is not segregation. It is simply separation. All modern cities in the world have had some sort of separation at one point. Of course, we are willing to talk more and understand what the problem with this plan is," he said during the launch of the relocation drive.

Dhoka has always been a city notorious for being unfriendly towards women. According to police statistics, the country saw an average of 13 rapes per day last year. These were reported incidents, with many believing the numbers to be much higher.

As part of the relocation plan, women will be transported to areas with less men, so that they do not have to endanger themselves every time they want to go out and do normal human activities.

"I do not want to move, but apparently the main idea of consent eludes almost everyone in this country. How is this a show of support when we aren't even being asked if we agree to something like this," a super-emotional woman, who we probably interviewed at the wrong time of the month, said.

Meanwhile, a group of women protested the decision in what can only be considered a massive overreaction.

"We don't want to be relocated to any char. This is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Why can't we just use our laws to curb the menace? Hiding a problem, isn't getting rid of the problem," one of the women protestors much-too-loudly proclaimed.

A radical protestor suggested relocating men instead of women. "There are more women in this country than men. So why not relocate the men elsewhere? They are the cause of the problem right?" the radical woman, who was so overcome with emotions she could not form coherent thoughts, said.

"I don't think we need to relocate women. It is a bit drastic," Akbar Ahmed, local simp, said, adding the better option would be to bring back chastity belts. "Chastity belts will be really helpful. By coming up with a code of what women can wear, say, do and where they can go, we can actually nip this problem in the bud," he said.

The relocation drive was kicked off when a woman dared to visit a public university campus with her husband, where she was subsequently raped. At the time, many wondered why a woman would even go to a public university, knowing how dangerous those are for the less politically-connected.

The rape generated outrage as usual and also compelled some student politicians to come up with a list of "unrapeables" which they shall release sometime early next week.