Dealing with the loss of a close personal computer

I've never lost anybody close to me and if I had, I'd most likely react differently than others. What I have experienced is my computer, and others', breaking down and there are constants every time. The following are the five stages of grief (Kübler-Ross model) involved in the process:

1. Denial
“It didn't just happen. Let me restart it and it will all be fixed. Oh, it's not starting. Overheated? Let's wait a little. Maybe the wires are loose. Mischievous wire gnomes tug on wires then disappear into their caverns all the time. I'm just… I'm just going to go to sleep and when I wake up this will all be over.”

2. Anger
“What's with all the load shedding? They take away our electricity but do they even know what's at stake here? How will our computers survive without electricity?

Where's our water? How will I cool my computer without diverting the course of the Padma river so that it runs through my CPU?

No, it must have been the kid that came to our house that day! My buttons are not for your pressing pleasures, child!”

3. Bargaining
“Bill Gates, if you're out there, then I could really do with some help right now. I know I've never really believed in you but if you help me out just this once, I promise to be good. I won't leave my PC running all night. I won't make fun of people with low-end PCs again. I'll even donate RAM to them. Once is all I ask, please?”

4. Depression
“It's all gone, my games, my movies, my music, my immoral things and the pictures I'd lined up to make my profile picture some day. They were all I had, and now everything is gone. I think I'll remove all the furniture from my room since I won't need them anymore. I'll just go curl up in a foetal position in one corner and rock myself to sleep. What is the meaning of life?”

5. Acceptance
Now that you've gone through all of that, you must be tired. There's no better way to come to terms with the death of a close personal computer than listening to DeForest Kelley say “He's dead, Jim,” in a loop for four hours. But your computer's dead so you can't. Guess you just accept it then. This was anti-climactic.

Of course, with computers there's one extra step and that's getting a shiny new computer (6. Replacement). It happens with people too sometimes but we neglect to mention it for fear of sounding callous. You promise to take care of it better than the last one. You promise to install an antivirus. You're broke so you download one for free. It turns out to be a virus. 

Skjfhjdammitlfnfgh! Return to Step 1.

This is why we can't have nice things.