THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE

Aries
You ever wonder how llamas always bark? ​

Taurus
I'd tell you to drink Red Bull but what would you do with wings?​

Gemini
Please. No more "gem" puns. ​

Cancer
You are the reason I am not platinum yet. ​

Leo
I choose the Uttara dweller. ​

Virgo
Chant Steve Jobs' name every day. You will be unemployed forever. ​

Libra
Liberal Arts is a good subject for you. ​

Scorpio
An extensive vocabulary is useless if you only want to show off. ​

Sagittarius

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces