THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE

Aries
Arial is your lucky font today. 

Taurus
Try mayonnaise and tea with fried chicken. 

Gemini
You know who your soulmate is? Gemaxi. 

Cancer
Wearing a skull bracelet doesn't make you cool. 

Leo
Leopold Butters. Remember the name. 

Virgo
Do you know how to be a banana? Help.

Libra
Ask your local barber if he can give you the Taco Look.

Scorpio
Take a swig of coffee and mayonnaise. Mixed together. 

Sagittarius
Did you rice your Probox yet? 

Capricorn
Don't try attaching a stapler to your mouse. 

Aquarius
I did warn you about the loop pedal. 

Pisces
Do you know your star sign is pronounced as "Pie-sees"?