WE CARE

Cartoon: Sharier

We Bangladeshis are a curious people. We show curiosity towards others because we care. Where else would someone ask a childless couple: Why aren't you having a baby? It may be considered a rude question in other societies. But here it is perfectly alright. We care.

Never mind the many possible reasons why the couple can't get pregnant. Never mind the helplessness and sadness they feel each time someone asks them this question. We have to know because we care. We don't care how it makes them feel. We care about why they can't have children. We love children in this country. We give them jobs. We put them to work and pay them little. If they have access to cash, God knows what they'll do. We will keep the cash. Working is good. It builds character.

Bangladeshis also love to ask: Why aren't you married yet? It's often men — married for several years and beaten by the burden of 'family life'—who ask such questions. But are they ready for possible answers? What if the poor guy has performance anxiety? What if he is gay? Do they ever consider such possibilities?

I think they are jealous of you being unmarried and having too much fun. They are also afraid that you will go and have an affair with their wives. That's it. I nailed it after a lot of thinking. And that's why when someone asks me why I don't have a wife yet, I say with a straight face, “Well, you know, my next door neighbour has one…”
We are also a friendly lot. At a restaurant it's not uncommon to see three men dipping their puris in the same bowl of chutney. Where else in the world would you see such camaraderie! We are so friendly that when we see a colleague or someone we know we start massaging their arms and elbows. We want to make them feel comfortable. You wear a new jacket to work. Someone quietly starts feeling it with his hand, probably to see what material it is made of. Trust me, it's a compliment.

We treat strangers more formally. Have you been in an elevator where a group of men unknown to each other keeps looking at their cell phones? They are all anxiously waiting for that very important phone call which is never coming. We do not want to upset a stranger by saying hello. We are sensitive. When you say hello to a stranger, he or she will start wondering if they know you and where they know you from. Why put people under such unnecessary pressure?

If you are a foreigner, have a strategy ready to answer questions you never thought you would hear: How much money did you make in your country? Is it true that girls roam the streets naked where you come from? Why did you come here?

When such an intrusive question is lobbed at you, you might feel the urge to say something back. Resist the temptation. We mean no harm. We just have to know. So be playful. Try saying, “I am with the CIA. Why I came here is classified information.”

If that does not work, resort to pure silliness and feign hearing loss: ''What was the question again?'' Repeat until they get the message.