Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I am a 28-year-old woman. I am going to get married to a very sweet man by the end of this year. I've known him for a couple of years and can say with absolute certainty that he will be the best husband and companion. I have not disclosed this to anyone but I was molested as a teenager and that incident haunts me till date. Recently I told my fiancé about this and as usual, he was very understanding and was only concerned about my mental health and safety. I love him very much but am extremely scared to begin this new chapter of my life. I shudder at the thought of physical contact with any person, and am uncomfortable even holding hands with my loved ones. Am I taking the wrong step by marrying this man? I've been very open with him about my reservations and he says that he'll stand by me no matter what but I don't want to be ruining his life or anything. Please help.

Terrified

Dear Terrified,
You are a very lucky person to find a partner who is kind, considerate and supportive. He must be a wonderful person and you will be very happy with him. Your fears however are genuine and you will have to deal with those psychologically. Many women have experienced your trauma but due to the culture of fear and secrecy they often don't confront it. Molestation and abuse leaves deep scars which often ruins lives of women. However, you are luck as you now have the chance to “kill the demon” once and for all. Your best ally in this fight will be your future husband. Open up to him in every way possible. Let him enter your life completely and without any inhibition. Together you will cross all hurdles and embark into the most exciting journey of love, companionship and happiness. I would also suggest that you both go for couple counseling. It might help you to deal with the initial nervousness of physical intimacy. Most importantly, give this relationship everything that you can, I promise you the returns will be immense.

Dear Mita,
I am a 13-year-old girl. I know this is not the right age to get involved in romantic relationship but I've been dating a boy in my class from the last eight months. Everything was fine until one of my teachers got to know of our relationship and informed my parents about it. My parents didn't say anything much to me but they were really shocked and upset after hearing of this. My mother asked me about my relationship with this boy several times but I was so scared that I kept on lying about it. My parents would probably not have a problem with me having a boyfriend if I were ten years older but I think that they wouldn't like it if I were dating anyone at this age. I don't know what to do and can't share this with anyone else apart from you. Please help.

Confused

Dear Confused,
You are right. 13 is not the age get into a serious relationship leave alone dating. At this age the most you can have is a temporary infatuation. I share the concern of your parents; they are rightly shocked and disappointed. You are just turning into teenage. It is the age to discover, learn, experiment and have fun. Getting into any serious relationship will distract you from the wonderful world that is opening up. You have many years of adult life to explore and find the right partner; this is certainly not the right age. If the person you are dating is your age then you both should discuss the situation seriously and preferably take the relationship to a friendship level rather then any other kind of intimacy. However, if this person is much older then I would advise you very seriously to get out of it as this might have the chance of you getting hurt badly.