At the Torture Chamber

Why be scared of monsters when so many horrors exist in real life? I'm talking about dentists, the only people allowed to use medieval torture equipment in the present day. A week ago I went to the dentist's to get my wisdom tooth removed for the sole reason that I could (also it was growing slightly crooked).

I got there quite early and didn't have to wait too long. I wasn't scared. I was sleepy so instead of sitting I was standing next to one of those reclining seats. I wasn't scared. Then the woman in the seat opposite to mine let out a muffled cry of pain and continued to moan for quite a while. I wasn't scared. The man in the seat next to mine spit blood, red as rubies. I wasn't scared. When the surgery finally began there were multiple masked figures looming over me and the scalpel was getting ever closer. I wasn't scared, only in denial.

I thought the three/four needles they stuck in my gums to apply the local anaesthesia would hurt, but they didn't. That's not how I remember it last time. I kept my eyes closed for most of the process. Just because it didn't hurt didn't mean I wanted to see all the tools that were entering my mouth. I could however feel the pressure when they were wrenching the tooth out. With the procedure complete, I could leave.

I wish I had a picture for this next bit because when I left the room, I looked like one of those slobbering, mentally-challenged village idiots. Half of my face was swollen. There was a bit of drool hanging from the non-inflated part of my lip. My mouth was half open because I couldn't tell if my lips were touching or not, courtesy of the anaesthesia.

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW

* Burp tastes like blood.
* Hurts to laugh, hurts to smile. Bleeds more than it hurts.
* You might start bleeding for no reason while eating.
* You sneeze, you bleed.
* Take note of the stuff your dentists tell you because you will forget.
* One side of your face will be swollen for a few days.
* I'm single.
* You take a hard step with the leg on whatever side the tooth was removed from and the shockwave will reach up to your mouth, and it will hurt.
* You won't be able to talk for one or two hours. Keep a notepad with you for communication.
* During the procedure keep your lips away from your teeth.
* “You had that big thing inside you?” is what they all say when they see the wisdom tooth.
* Keep supply of soup and juice at home. And some ice cream. OD on ice-cream and you will get a cold.
* The amount of pills they'll have you taking will make you feel old.
* Keep tissues handy after the procedure to periodically wipe the drool.
* Everybody's experience is different. Mine was pleasant in comparison to my cousin's.
* Google 'what to do after wisdom tooth extraction' for advice your dentist will most likely neglect to mention.
* Rolling in the Dipjol is the best music video ever. No comparison, please.