Better Off Alone

Photo: Kazi Tahsin Agaz Apurbo

Putting on my ankle bells, backstage, I was with all my dance-mates getting ready to hit the first show that had a solo performance of mine. Although people may think going solo on stage is way scarier than dancing in a group, the situation is quite different in reality. With a solo performance, you have big room to innovate. So whether you make a mistake or not, unless people in the audience have intensive knowledge in dancing, most people won't catch your mistake if you are alone on the stage. Whereas, if you have a group of people dancing with you, projecting the same moves -- performing gets much, much tougher. Let me elaborate.
A solo performance is a lot to take in, of course. The whole audience, whether it's just 10 people or 1000 people, is depending only on you to entertain them, to enchant them, to leave each and every one of them breathless. So the pressure is immense, to put it simply.
I won't lie; my first solo performance was a disaster. It wasn't a disaster in the conventional sense, though. I forgot some steps, I missed a beat or two, I didn't have that bold face on, the one I usually have when I ascend the stage, and I was almost crying on the inside during the performance. But then the music stopped and I was finished with the performance. There was applause! More than I had expected. And I felt this sense of relief. Coming off the stage, I was showered with good wishes and lovely comments. But I could tell from the look on my dance teacher's and mother's faces that they knew of my mistakes. When I went to them, my dance teacher merely smiled at me and my mother leaned in towards me and whispered, “As long as no one else detected the flaws, you were brilliant!”
That is when I had realised that a solo performance was so much easier than a group performance. Well, not exactly. I had known it from before. In fact, I had known it since I stepped off the stage. My mother had just put that “sense of relief” into words for me.
Ever since that first time, I've seldom been scared to go on stage on my own. As a matter of fact, I like performing solo more because my mind is more at ease and I'm less afraid of making mistakes because I am confident in the knowledge that I have the skills to cover up my mistakes, make them unnoticeable to all.
Being on stage with others is much more nerve-wracking than it seems. A group performance needs more rehearsal time, needs more motivation, more focus and most of all -- synchronisation. There were times, I remember, before shows when each of us would sit down and literally “discuss” the dances that we would have to perform. We would make sure all of our hands look exactly the same doing each mudra, we would make sure that all of our feet hit the ground exactly at the same time, we would make sure our heads were in the same position when we make turns and flips and all of that. There was so much planning ahead, so much homework.
Solos are easier, like we've established. But it's not easy from the get-go. To be able to take on the pressure, you need to become a confident performer who knows that you have it in you to amuse and excite those who are watching you, to know how to cover up the steps that you think you got wrong, and a confident person who knows that even being up there alone is okay. You just have to remember that when you are on stage alone, you are not really alone, you're independent. You're you.

Naziba Basher is professional dancer, journalist, student, animal lover, cricket enthusiast, workaholic and dreamer.