Daawat Etiquettes

“No, bhabi, I insist it was no trouble.”
“No, bhabi, I WILL apologise for putting you through trouble which you're insisting I did not.”
I once heard somewhere that putting four separate groups of people, in pairs, in identical situations will drive them to say identical things. It doesn't work unless you count deshi daawat. Ever since I was a kid, I've heard the same things uttered over and over again, only by different mouths.
How does daawat play an important role in our daily lives? I don't know, maybe it's what drives us to not become anti-social, loners contemplating serial killing or maybe it helps build a bridge between two people who've hated each other for so long that everyone around them suffers from the bad blood.

Rule #1: Never say “yes”
Ever. I mean it; don't ever say yes to anything. “More rice?” Not yes. “More beef?” Not yes. “Do you need directions to the bathroom?” Do not say yes even if it means having your bladder explode. Affirmative is not the daawat technique.  You must always use a different technique at daawat that will instantly let the host know of your needs. Africans have a name for it; I call it the “hope and pray” technique.

Rule #2: Let the FORCE always be with you
Whether it's the rice on the plate or beef over the dish, always make sure you're forcing it down the guest's throat. Especially their kids' throat, even if they say no. “No” at daawat means yes. “Yes” (heaven forbid) means the whole table.

Rule #3: Always be late 
The extremes of your tardiness depend upon how fond you are of the host. Or at least I think so. For instance, if you don't like your host don't show up at all and claim that they never even invited you.

Rule #4: Always bring sweets
That is the whole reason for daawat in the first place, so the guests can bring something sweet and the hosts can feed them some more sweets. But if the hosts are unwilling to share their own sweets stock with the guests, a careless invite won't interest the guests to bring their own sweet stock to the dinner table either.