How to Start Your Startup

Startup is the newest “in thing” in Dhaka after forming your own heavy metal band quickly spun out of control. Those who would've started their own [insert noun] metal band -- creatively named after the genre itself -- are now starting startups. There's a legit establishment called Startup Restaurant in Dhanmondi. It doesn't get any trendier than this. Now, let me help you on your way to starting your startup.

Find an Idea [preferably something that's been already done]
Your friend Tanvir started a food cart and he's raking in the money. The cart in northern side of Dhaka selling overpriced cat food and repackaging it as health food is the most sought after dish on FoodVault. According to the people there, if America could forget about oil, they'd start thinking about Tanvir's cart. There's no reason you can't do the same, right? A sushi bar in Narayanganj sounds like an awesome idea. A food cart, a digital advertising agency or an online newspaper all sound like perfect ideas because the market is overflowing with them, so the demand must be high, right? Right.

Open a Facebook Page
You might have an office in your dad's garage just like Steve Jobs and Wozniak did when they started Apple. It brings a [single] tear to your eye every time you think of yourself as the next Steve Jobs. But it's not official yet. It needs to be Facebook official. You open a Facebook page for your startup: Bangladesh's first Digital Ad Agency + Online Newspaper on a Food Cart. You call it LiveAdCart24.com.

Hire Your Employees
You scour the internet, and maybe DSD, for hopeful interns with the criteria “Pay: Negotiable.” When they message you to negotiate their pay, you let them know that as interns, they won't be getting any pay but they will receive massive exposure which will catapult them into the job market. Oh and all you can drink tea (bring your own milk and sugar) at work! Once you have your team ready, it's time to go out hunting.

Your First Client
Now, your original idea and all the interns you have set out under a sea of exposure won't mean squat unless you get someone to pay for your product. You start off your PowerPoint Presentation with 51 slides. And from client to client you go until you find a reputable company known to convince their users that singing and dancing while repeating a catchphrase will rid them of all their troubles. You came, you saw, you conquered. You're now the Startup Caesar.

Enjoy Your Life as a Demigod
You have your first high-paying client. Does it even matter what your employees or your friends think any more? Start doling out interviews in whichever media you can stick your head into, be it a TV channel or a citizen's band walkie talkie. If your employees mess up in any human way, make sure that they feel the wrath of the Startup King. With that in mind, start writing a book about how everyone misunderstands you and calls you an egomaniac. You're not an egomaniac. The people are sheep, the consumers are dumb; without you, no one would have Bangladesh's first Digital Ad Agency + Online Newspaper on a Food cart.  

The secrets of the startup culture have been unraveled to you. Go forth and conquer, sweet prince.