JUST A NUMBER

When you near your 30's, you feel as if the world is collapsing around you. You fear that the end of your youth is closing in on you. The lines on your face seem to double overnight, and you start noticing new flaws with your body. You decide that life as you know it has effectively come to an end. Your 20's are over and you are old.

If you think I'm dramatising the agony and trauma of ageing, I must tell you that you are absolutely right. How can anyone not mock this obsession that the modern society has with the process of ageing? I'm constantly flooded with calls from friends in their late 20's moaning the fact that they will soon turn 30 and they've already started noticing that their 'youthful' beauty is starting to fade away. But isn't that what life is all about? As you grow older, your face and body experience several changes. These changes, however, are gradual rather than immediate as the media and the ad world would have you believe.

“Every time you turn on the television, you are bombarded with advertisements persuading you to purchase some anti-ageing cream or the other. Then there are ads that talk of the dangers of ageing,” says 65-year old Hamida Akhter.

The modern society places illogical pressure on the idea of perpetual youth. We don't only approve of ads perpetuating the evils of old age by buying the products, we also happily endorse shows that give surgical makeovers to women over 30 by watching these shows. All in all, we end up fostering a culture that is intolerant of the process of ageing and thus, old people in general.

TV ads and shows often present old people as confused, demented versions of their younger selves. Even with newspaper headlines such as 'Elderly man scammed out of his life savings,' you are presented with an image of the elderly as helpless, incompetent figures, who can easily be cheated and beguiled.

“The state in our country doesn't recognise senior citizens, thus subsequently other state apparatus like directorates and ministries too do not recognise or uphold the rights of senior citizens,” says Professor Dr ASM Amanullah of the sociology department of Dhaka University. “Thus, it's not surprising that the portrayal of the elderly is negative in the media. While the state does it consciously, media stigmatizes elderly people in an ignorant manner,” he adds. Professor Amanullah further argues that the media ignorantly discriminates, stigmatises and marginalises the rights of the elderly, and this attitude is in turn adopted by the society as a whole.

A recent survey by Duke University found that 80 percent of the elderly respondents reported experiencing ageism such as not being taken seriously because of their age or simply being ignored by people around them. The research further points out that younger individuals often talk in exaggerated tones or simplified speech when speaking to older adults.

“I am a 70-year-old and I'm of sane mind and health. I work for a living and am the CEO of my own company. Do you think everything I achieved was a fluke? It took me experience and time to get to this place, so treating me like a little baby and patronizing me because of my age shows a flaw in your judgement, not mine,” says Mamun Kader, who set up his own business – a supermarket chain - at the age of 43.

While ageism is not restricted to any gender, women usually have it worse than men. A man is considered to be at his peak when he hits 40. A woman is advised to apply anti-ageing serums and creams before she turns 30 to 'capture' her youth. The ideal age of marriage for men in our society is 35. A woman over 28 is considered to be an 'old-maid' in the marriage market.

“Women, in general, are more vulnerable to stigmatisation than men. Even here you'll find that the media has a significant role to play,” says Professor Amanullah. Citing the example of a former actress, whose current life as a flower vendor in Shahbag was heavily publicised by various media outlets, Amanullah says that the media chooses to ignore the dignity and rights of elderly women, viewing them as dispensable aspects of the society.
We mostly ignore the elderly and they are terribly underrepresented in the public sphere. However, our ignorance and hesitation to associate with them doesn't prevent us from interfering in the decisions that they take for themselves. A 60-year-old widow wants to remarry? Why, that's an abomination against the society! A 63-year old woman would rather live alone than with her children? How dare she! It's up to her children to keep her or throw her out of their house. We can comfortably see the old as sources of pension, property and life-savings, and they are only seen as humans as long as they lay the golden eggs and move on. However, the moment they start making their own choices, they are categorized as senile, infirm and in need of supervision.

Age, as they say, is just a number. Yes, as you grow older, your mind and body changes. Yes, it's going to be different and at times, you may not like the actual process. But you don't really need to find a way to 'cope' with things. You live your life just as you did when you were younger. Only now, you can look back at your younger self and laugh at all the imprudence, silliness and ignorance, while you enjoy your new age and experience.