Stalkers
Photo: STAR
We are all, surely, angry with the boys and men who persecute girls and women by stalking, name-calling and other forms of sexual harassment. However - as in other forms of evil - underneath the badness is often the sadness. Evil is not only fearful and destructive, it is also pathetic. Bad behaviour by the male of the species in all countries is compounded in this dear country with traditions about the upbringing of the boy-child. Actually, I am not sure that they are 'traditions' (i.e. something to respect) but just bad habits that have grown up without resistance and create a trap into which young men have fallen……a trap involving one false assumption about themselves and one vital skill that they are never taught: 1. The assumption is that it is their right and privilege that all women should do their bidding and that the word, “No!” is thus out of order and merits punishment. Some learn this, as little boys who are indulged to excess, by cooing adults and maidservants who know how best to treat the little master if they want to keep their job. He learns quickly that he can bring the wrath of his parents down on anyone who does not do his will. When he goes to school, it is not unusual for some parents to give any teacher who attempts to discipline their child, a hard time - which leads to the teachers appeasing him in order to keep their jobs. Thus, slowly, he slides into the trap of “Who am I, if I do not get my own way?” This sense of identity is undermined by rejection - which he cannot bear and looks for someone to blame and punish to ease his internal pain. This mindset can curse men everywhere. Recently in the UK, a prisoner who was released from jail, got a gun, injured his ex-girlfriend, murdered her new boyfriend - and some innocent others - before killing himself. Some men wrote to Facebook to say that he had done the right thing and she needed to be 'taught a lesson'. What a response! 2. The lack of skill that can be fatal is a boy's inability to attract a girl by 'fair means'. Many boys grow up not capable of having even an ordinary conversation with a girl! (Some even give their own sisters a hard time and are never rebuked…) Some do not go to co-educational schools or, if they do, find that some of those schools do not help boys and girls study, work and have fun together in reasonable and proper ways. What can such a boy do when he finds himself attracted to a girl and, when he tries to approach her, his coarse behaviour repels her? He has not the faintest idea how to make himself acceptable to her, her family and her friends so that he may be accepted as her suitor and be told “Yes!” “No!” or “Wait!” He blames her and turns on her. All over the world, parents and teachers, family members and friends, youth group leaders and those who consider themselves 'the leaders of the community' have a duty to help any boy they may see, from a young age, who is getting out of control, considers all forms of obedience demeaning and is physically and verbally violent towards women. Please befriend them and help them to mend their ways. Underneath the badness is indeed the sadness - but it is highly dangerous to the future of the whole of society, as well as women.
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