RATED 'M' FOR MANLY

A few weeks back, SHOUT ran a cover story that evaluates the expectations placed on men in our general society and the strange parameters for being one.Although trying to be a 'manly man' does have its share of adverse effects on an individual, it still is funny to see the extent to which some will go in order to achieve the ultramanly title. Here are some of the common suits of armor some guys try to wear in order to prove that they are the manliest of men—

THE 'TOUGH' GUY
These guys have supposedly vanquished the word 'pain 'from their vocabulary. Even if they had a knife sticking out of their back, they would use phrases such as 'I'm fine' and 'it's no big deal'in struggling to hold on to their man card. Just to draw an example, a good friend of my cousin once fell down an open manhole while on his way home late at night. Not wanting to shame his role model Chuck Norris, he somehow dragged himself home and showed up at the doorstep just before dinner time. If it wasn't for the stench and the trail of blood, absolutely no one would have ever noticed that his neck wasn't in the right place.

THE 'BEARD' GUY
Facial hair has always been a benchmark for manliness, especially after ancient men realised that not even the face was spared of testosterone. I am not talking about any run-of-the-mill facial hair here, rather the beards that make a guy look as if he lives on the hills and kills bears with his bare hands. With all due respect, not only does it take skill to make your chin disappear underneath a lush forest of hair, but they can come in handy too. In times of dire need, you're bound to find crumbs of food, small supplies of water and even a few bucks here and there inside the hairy labyrinths.

THE 'GENJAM' GUY
For them, every problem in existence must be settled with fists. Someone spreading rumours in the hood? Genjam! Someone forgot to say 'hello' to the local boss? Genjam! Kim Kardashian on the cover of Paper Magazine? Genjam! It becomes an arena where men of all shapes and sizes test their osterone. Strange enough, most Genjam fests usually have little or no exchange of fists in them. A few weeks back, I remember getting my popcorn ready to witness a local genjam. It turned out to be a real life simulation of an average DragonBall Z episode – where they screamed at each other for three hours straight, threatened each other with fists, and at the end ran home to catch the latest episode of Glee.

THE 'MUSCLE' GUY
Being healthy is definitely important, but you know something is up when there's so much muscle mass on person that you can't tell the arms apart from the face.Many of these guys have mastered body language … quite literally. For example, if you ask them the time, they will do ten sets of pushups, ten sets of squats and plank for ten minutes to tell you that it's exactly 10'o clock. These guys have left no muscle unturned in their bodies, and will often watch classics such as Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (while everyone's asleep) in order to work on their tear duct muscles as well.