THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Aries
I didn't know SHOUT came out on Thursdays and I work there! What else don't I know? 

Taurus
There are four colours here. You have four limbs. Coincidence? Don't think too much. 

Gemini
Are you by any chance related to Jiminy the conscious cricket? Or was it conscientious? 

Cancer
Our best friend is crazy. She hopes to become a professional popular twitter personality. 

Leo
Please refer to Libra for your advice. I can delegate now. It's true, they promoted me. 

Virgo
Girls like cars. Girls like money. Tractors cost a lot of money. Do the math. 

Libra
Do me a solid and help out Leo, okay? Just make something up. He's not bright. 

Scorpio
Your money's troubles will come to an end when the note in your wallet commits suicide. 

Sagittarius
Be the change you want to see in others. You've got the powah! 

Capricorn
Words can't hurt you. Unless they're big. Then they hurt your brain. 

Aquarius
Can't seem to change your life? Try our self-surgery kit. Now for only Tk 999.99. 

Pisces
Animals whisper secrets. Your secrets. They know and soon everyone else will too.