THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

ARIES
Baby are you regret? Because I want to hold on to you and never let go.

TAURUS
Baby are you a tapeworm? Because you make my stomach feel funny.

GEMINI
Baby are you litter? Because I can't fathom why anyone would leave you.

CENCER
Baby are you a viral disease? Because you've got me feeling so hot.

LEO
Baby are you modern art? Because sometimes I just don't get you.

VIRGO
Baby are you curtains? Because after I make a fatal mistake, it feels like you're all that remains.

LIBRA
Baby are you a fat-laden, unhealthy meal? Because you're the reason my heart aches.

SCORPIO
Baby are you a communist regime? Because you leave me speechless.

SAGITTARIUS
Baby are you a disappointing failure of an offspring? Because it feels like you'll be with me forever.

CAPRICON
Baby are you a bad habit that's ruining my life? Because I can't quit you.

AQUARIUS
Baby are you my report card? Because any mention of you quickens my pulse.

PISCES
Baby are you eugenics? Because you seem like dangerous territory to tread upon.