THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE

Aries
You might have a lot of problems, but you can't do anything about them.

Taurus
I thought you were supposed to drink coffee out of a mug, not a shoe.

Gemini
I guess your temper will be like Injustice 2's Superman.

Cancer
Stay hungry for a while. You'll appreciate that double cheese burger more.

Leo
Maybe it's time you stopped making memes. 

Virgo
Crossword puzzle solving is the new extreme sport. Live dangerously. 

Libra
I don't know, why it doesn't even matter how hard you try. 

Scorpio
Arctic Monkeys is a good band. Check them out. 

Sagittarius
I think at this point, you should just give up. 

Capricorn
Look in the mirror and say "I am a good bugger." 

Aquarius
Deep skies are bad for walruses to walk on.  

Pisces
Find a puddle to dump all your bad memories in.