THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE

Aries
Tangle yourself like your earphones. 

Taurus
If I wear shades, why can't I see your face?

Gemini
Check your tea cup. It could be a mimic. 

Cancer
Hakula! It's a meme reference from the future, you won't get it. 

Leo
You will smell like a week-old egg. 

Virgo
Do not go to any lounges this month.

Libra
If there is Bayonetta why is there no Rifletta? Ha ha!  

Scorpio
I do not authorise your love for K-Pop posters.

Sagittarius
Burning bridges is a good way to get wet.

Capricorn
Is your favourite food Capricorn-dogs??

Aquarius
 

Pisces
Get something else that doesn't make you look like a dwarf.