THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE

Aries
I went to the beach and I did not find any sea turtles. 

Taurus
It was very disappointing. 

Gemini
Would you happen to know why they aren't there? 

Cancer
How about you? You seem like a turtle aficionado.

Leo
Well, I guess I'll go then. 

Virgo
If you're expecting your future, don't. You don't have a future.

Libra
Use bank transfers on your next payment. Even at tongs.

Scorpio
I'm glad you decided to give the circus a go. 

Sagittarius
The fact that you collect ring chips says a lot. 

Capricorn
The sky is orange, but your face is blue. Why? 

Aquarius
Don't check your snapchat today. Just don't.

Pisces
Take care of your watches this week.