This Week's Horrorscope

ARIES
Daedalus was a failed father and that is the lesson from Icarus' story.

TAURUS
Hulk is a footballer, Hulk is a wrestler, Hulk is a superhero. Yes.
 

GEMINI
Amidst great confusion there is a calm presence of someone who was late.
 

CANCER
Kwazy Cupcakes was once a dream, until it became a reality.
 

LEO
A man, a woman, and a child walk into a restaurant. What a beautiful family!
 

VIRGO
Charlie, that's not moist enough.
 

LIBRA
Oranges will be missed in Russia this June.

SCORPIO
Lo and behold, happiness has arrived.
 

SAGITTARIUS
Lobster, mobster, and a very famous Rockstar.
 

CAPRICORN
Euler gave us a meme, now it's your turn, Ramanujan.
 

AQUARIUS
Giraffes are magnificent, as are short people.
 

PISCES
Enter a number between 7 and 67.