The [NOT SO] Fine Line between Flirting & Harassment
If you live in a place like Dhaka where walking down the street is quite impossible for you, without being constantly stared at, as if you are the first girl they have seen in their lives, one ponders about the line that separates flirting and harassment. One might ask, where exactly is the line drawn? Can some men comprehend the difference between the two? Is it possible that while trying to show their interest in women they are actually driving them away?
It is understandable that a man and a woman will flirt when they like each other, or are mutually interested. It is usually gladly welcome and an exciting sport when that is the case; there can be no misunderstanding or misconstruing of signals there. Now consider this situation: a girl sitting at a café, alone, reading or seemingly occupied, is taken as a cue for overwhelming attention from guys. This could have two very different reactions from the receiver’s end. The girl might like the straightforwardness of such an effort. Or maybe, just maybe, she is not looking for any sort of interaction at that moment.
It is reasonable to approach her — she might be too attractive or fascinating for not making an attempt at all. But desperately trying to make conversation with her even after she has clearly expressed discomfort and disinterest is a social crime. Hence, we get to the first fine line — which is apparently not fine at all to most people — between flirting and harassing. Stated clearly, to continue “flirting” even when the other person is explicitly showing no interest or desire to reciprocate, is not flirtation any more, it is harassment.
Another maneuver that men end up using is to shower a girl with compliments. Compliments are great but sometimes what even clever men forget is that women are not as naïve as they are expected to be. How this particular “game” gets played is: the boy keeps bombarding the girl with terms of endearment like ‘cherry pie’ and comparing her to random objects like fast-moving cars or industrial material. He assumes that it is working because the girl is too polite to spell it out for him that she knows what is going on. So, he continues, with or without the realisation that he is objectifying a girl. This is extremely annoying, and is an insult to the girl’s intelligence. This here is an elaborate case of harassment.
There is actually a multitude of cases when flirtation crosses into harassment territory. Unwanted and unwelcome flirting is definitely the most obvious and broadened scope for that, but there are other forms as well. One such form is forced interaction. The word “force” can be literal; as in the gentle(?)man can hover around you in a way that has no element of gentleness whatsoever; no matter how subtle or well meaning he is trying to be.
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Another scenario is where a much older guy, usually in a position of power, is flirting or trying to make a move on a much younger girl; that is just WRONG, not to mention embarrassing. No matter how smooth the older guy is trying to be, unless the girl is generally interested in older guys, surely it is a form of harassment and power play.
Forced interaction can be as outrageous as teasing a girl to flat out stalking her for attention. It can start from simply trawling Facebook profiles and escalate to the guy taking up permanent station under the girl’s window. Although teasing sometimes can be a cute way of flirting, when it gets offensive and personal it’s harassment. Unfortunately, some teachers harass students. This is when you should definitely notify your parents and the police.
Lastly, it is extremely crucial to differentiate between confidence and overstepping boundaries. It is okay to ask a girl for her phone number but there is a right time for that. Asking for her address within the first few hours of the first time you’ve met is a big NO. It’s just creepy. Being irritatingly blunt also falls under such kind of over-confidence; blurting out “you’re super hot” or “you’ve got quite a smoking figure” is not attractive at all. Another annoying thing guys do comes in the form of ‘backhand compliments’. Insulting a girl by saying “looking cute, but you’ve gained weight from when I last saw you” will not destroy her self-esteem and make her come crawling to you. It will only make you look like a sociopath in front of everyone.
Flirting is supposed to be fun, flattering and enjoyable for both parties within a dignified parameter. It’s an art form as it involves use of creativity, originality and above all a great sense of timing. If you’re not capable, it’s best to avoid it.
Lastly, it is extremely crucial to differentiate between confidence and overstepping boundaries. It is okay to ask a girl for her phone number but there is a right time for that. Asking for her address within the first few hours of the first time you’ve met is a big NO. It’s just creepy. Being irritatingly blunt also falls under such kind of over-confidence; blurting out “you’re super hot” or “you’ve got quite a smoking figure” is not attractive at all. Another annoying thing guys do comes in the form of ‘backhand compliments’. Insulting a girl by saying “looking cute, but you’ve gained weight from when I last saw you” will not destroy her self-esteem and make her come crawling to you. It will only make you look like a sociopath in front of everyone.
Flirting is supposed to be fun, flattering and enjoyable for both parties within a dignified parameter. It’s an art form as it involves use of creativity, originality and above all a great sense of timing. If you’re not capable, it’s best to avoid it.
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