WHAT TIME IS IT?

Does the time bother you? I get bothered by the time. Not so much the time itself but people. People bother me for the time.

People come up to me and say—I am sure it happens to you a lot—“What time is it?” As if I personally was responsible for keeping the time. I feel honoured that they think I am the man in charge. But I don't have the time.
I use a little of it like everyone else. But I don't have it. I think the US Navy has it in Washington. They keep it in the naval observatory. They let out a little each day. Not too much, though. They wouldn't want to give us too much. Just enough. Time.

I hate to disappoint you. But there is no time. When is it? When are we? They made it up. There are no numbers up in the sky. I have looked. They are not there. All the time zones are different. Every calendar you run across is different. They will all give you a different answer.

These are calendars—these were made to keep track of time. But everybody has got a different one. The Chinese are way up there with the 4700s, the Gregorian calendar says 2014. And it's 1421 in the Bengali calendar. This isn't a couple of weeks these people are off—we are talking about thousands of years here.

We can't keep track of time. Perhaps that's why I had a hard time learning how to tell time. Of course you can't tell time. Time tells you. We don't even know when we are and yet we act like we own it. I am not doing anything productive with my time. What do you do with your time?

We don't know what time is. We can't feel it; we can't touch it, see it or smell it. And yet time rules our lives. “The more we understand time,” award-winning US physicist Michio Kaku says, “the more we understand that it is time that makes us uniquely human.” So what is time? “As a physicist I have spent most of my life studying time and I know it is one of the greatest mysteries in all of nature,” Kaku observes. German philosopher Heidegger says, “There is no time without man,” while others say there is time beyond measurement—the absolute time.

We won't get into all that. Let's just say everybody is so vague about the time. There is a moment coming. Not here yet. Still on its way, still in the future. Here it comes. Oops, it's gone. There is no now. I mean there is NO now. Everything is the near future or the recent past. But there is no present. Welcome to the present. Whoosh. Gone again. It's just so imprecise.

Time's mortal aspect is personified in this bronze statue by Charles van der Stappen. Photo Courtesy: wikipedia

We have all these wonderful expressions. Right away, immediately, at once, just like that, in the drop of a hat, no time at all, as quick as you can say Jack Robinson. I will be back before you can say Jack Robinson. Okay, Jack Robinson. You are not back.

How about a jiffy? Or a flash? Which is quicker? A jiffy or a flash? I think there are two flashes in a jiffy. And God only knows how many jiffies are there in two shakes of a lamb's tail. And why did they coin 'two shakes of a lamb's tale'? What's wrong with the basic unit of measurement—just one shake of a lamb's tale? We know basic arithmetic.

Then we have words like soon. Soon. That's an emotional word. Is my mother coming home? Yes. When? Soon. Real soon. As soon as she can. Sooner than you think. That's kind of a spooky one. Sooner than I think? That's a little bit like before you know it!

We go on and on with these vague terms. One of these days, before long, any time now. Well that's true. Everything is going to happen any time now. Any day now. That's a tricky one. I will be giving you the 100 bucks I owe you, man. Yeah. Any day now.

Sooner or later, now and then, once in a while, from time to time, in a little while. In a little while. It will only be a little while longer. I just love that. It sounds so benign. Just a little while couldn't hurt you. It's better than a short time. Short time. Sounds almost terminal, doesn't it? He only has a short time; whereas you, my darling, have a little while. I would rather have a little while than a short time.

Here's a long period of time. Forever. Someone at the mall barks at you, “I have been standing here FOREVER!” For someone who has been standing there forever he looks pretty fresh to me. Forever sounds like a very long time.
“I will wait for you forever.”
Good luck.

Horizontal sundial in Taganrog, Russia. Photo Courtesy: wikipedia