Epicaricacy

Three friends from different countries once discussed what made them happiest. One said his joy came when his neighbour bought a new car, but he suffered daily parking problems. Another admitted he felt happiest when his hardworking colleague missed a promotion, and he got it instead. The third confessed that nothing pleased him more than being ill while his rival was even worse off. They laughed together and reached an uncomfortable truth. Happiness often feels sweeter when someone else is struggling. The story humorously exposes how people across cultures quietly enjoy others’ misfortunes, proving that epicaricacy has no passport, only a very human instinct.

It also reminds me of the movie “Three Idiots”, where reverse epicaricacy is beautifully depicted. Two close friends are disappointed not because they failed, but because their best friend ranked at the top of the class while they ranked at the bottom.

That scene mirrors a recent event. A new governor of the central bank was announced, and drawing rooms turned into policy think tanks. One professional body rejected him for his professional identity, the other for not fitting the traditional frame. Interestingly, both sides are regular advocates of reform. In true style, we want a transformation without changing the furniture. Quietly observing and helping him succeed sounded far too simple. We are so efficient that we deliver the match result before the toss, without knowing the players.

Human psychology works this way because our brains are wired for comparison, not contentment. From early life, self-worth is often measured against others’ outcomes rather than personal growth. When resources, recognition, or respect feel limited, another person’s success threatens our sense of value. Enjoying others’ misfortune or feeling uneasy about their success briefly restores balance to the ego. It is not cruelty by nature, but insecurity, fear of falling behind, and a deep need for reassurance that we still matter.

It is not uniquely worse in Bangladesh, but social comparison feels sharper due to intense competition, limited opportunities, and a strong culture of ranking in education, jobs, and social status. This mindset quietly damages relationships, turning relatives into rivals and colleagues into silent competitors. Trust erodes, empathy shrinks, and collaboration suffers. At a societal level, it discourages merit and openness; at a national level, it slows innovation and unity. When people wait for others to fail rather than help them succeed, progress becomes fragmented and fragile.

Global and regional surveys show that this mindset is not unique to any one society. Psychological studies consistently link social comparison with envy, especially on social media platforms. Research across South Asia finds that frequent comparison increases insecurity, loneliness, and quiet pleasure in others’ setbacks. Studies among Bangladeshi youth also show that higher social media use correlates with negative self-perception and emotional stress. Together, these findings suggest epicaricacy is a universal human response, amplified by competitive environments and digital highlight cultures rather than cultural cruelty alone.

The solution begins by shifting the focus from comparison to self-improvement. Teaching emotional awareness, celebrating effort over ranking, and reducing social media-driven validation can soften this habit. When individuals learn to measure growth against their own past, insecurity fades. Empathy strengthens relationships, confidence stabilises, and success no longer feels threatening. At a personal level, this brings mental peace. Socially, it fosters trust, collaboration, and a culture in which people rise together rather than wait for others to fall.

In Bangladesh, we may not export oil or microchips, but we are world-class exporters of opinions, comparisons, and post-match analysis of other people’s lives. We celebrate success quietly and failure loudly, preferably with tea. Yet the truth is simple. When we stop counting others’ marks, marriages, salaries, and sufferings, we gain something rare. Peace. Progress does not come from enjoying those who fell behind, but from walking forward without looking sideways every five steps.

The writer is the president of the Institute of Cost and Management Accountants of Bangladesh and founder of BuildCon Consultancies Ltd