Intersecting Genders

For most of us it's easier to fill up forms than others. We don't need to think twice when checking the “gender” box -- boy or girl. In the simple etching of ink, we have our identities marked and figured. However, for few but very real people that isn't always, if ever, the case.

The first time I heard the word “hermaphrodite” I was with a friend and there was a group of boys who were spewing out insults. That word being one of them. My friend shrugged it off and so did I. The word held very little weight to either of us. Yet the word that weighed so little to us both seems to be the burden that many have to carry for the duration of their lifetime. Anyway, I feel like I keep alluding to it but not quite outright saying it -- this article is about intersexuality, a physical condition that refers to people whose genitals are not clearly either male or female.

“I remember when I was young and I was watching this Indian movie called 'Masti' and it featured a woman, who wasn't completely a woman, and it was turned into a joke that the guy fell for her. I could never forget that movie because I think that was the point where I realised I can't come out to people about my 'condition',” says my interviewee.

I'll refer to my interviewee, from here forth, as “Ayesha”. Ayesha wasn't aware of being intersex until reaching a certain age. A condition known as Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (AIS) causes Ayesha to fall under the intersex umbrella and just like AIS there are various other conditions like Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia, Klinefelter Syndrome, Hypospadias, Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser Syndrome (MRKH), Swyer Syndrome and Turner Syndrome which result in intersexuality.

“I wouldn't say I had some sort of dramatic identity crisis, perhaps a little bit, but I feel the difficulty was in the disconnect between my parents and I -- a barrier that I didn't know how to breach. When you're born in a middle class family in Dhaka, there is an unspoken rule that you can't be anything out of what's familiar and accepted, more so if it entails expensive surgical treatment. I've never had corrective surgery, I don't know if I ever can,” Ayesha continues.

Despite the initial decision, Ayesha has come out to many friends and most of them have been supportive. Ayesha often felt uncomfortable at school. There have been many in Ayesha's position. One in two thousand individuals are intersex but due to the stigma that surrounds the condition and the community, most choose not to come out. There is also a logical reason for the secrecy; most communities do not accept intersex conditions. Many superstitious families even consider it a curse and may often have violent reactions towards intersex individuals in these circumstances. Although hidden behind layers of clothing, Ayesha's life has, since the discovery, been driven by this condition.

“I know a lot of intersex people have left their homes and universities to live among the Hijra communities in Dhaka. I suppose they may feel safer and more accepted there. Although, I have met transgendered people who look down on intersex individuals too. I have transgender friends who couldn't bear to be mistaken for hermaphrodites. But even then, I assume those communities may still feel more accepting. I can't see myself doing that.

“I hope that eventually people would want to learn more about what it means to be intersex rather than shying away from it or fearing it. I am willing to sit down and talk to anyone who would like to know. That could serve as the first step towards acceptance,” says Ayesha.