Realism
Is there light at the end?
I wish I hadn't come to work. I wish I had listened to my mother. I wish I was anywhere else now. I wish I was dead.
Ayesha, my friend and colleague, came to my house in the morning and told me our manager wanted us at work; that the building was safe; that we wouldn't get paid if we didn't go. My mother pleaded with me not to go, that she had a bad feeling, but I didn't listen to her. My little sister needs treatment, and the treatment requires money. I am the sole bread-earner of our little family. I had to come.
What if I die? Who will look after my family? Who will feed them? How will my sister get the treatment?
Everything's so blurry to me now. People screaming and running, shoving each other out of the way in order to get out, Ayesha pulling my hand and screaming at me to run. The next thing I knew, I was lying in the dark, dust making everything look foggy, piles of rubble everywhere, and me trapped under a pile of that rubble. That was yesterday, I think. I have no idea how much time has passed exactly. Ayesha is near me, but she has been quiet for a long time. I am trying to talk to her, but she isn't responding. Maybe she is asleep. She is trapped under a huge boulder.
I keep hearing a lot of noise, people shouting and screaming, things that sound like drilling, and injured people moaning. There were a lot more people moaning, but it's getting quieter as time goes on. I think I understand why. My leg, which is pinned under rubble, is hurting so bad I feel someone is trying to rip it off, but it hardly hurts anymore. In fact, I can hardly feel my leg anymore. I still can't move it though. Is that a bad sign? Am I going to lose my leg? If so, can I still work to support my mother and sister?
It's getting very hard to breathe. My mouth is so dry it feels like the inside of the Sahara desert. The hunger has faded into numbness, but hunger is not new to me. Before I got this job, hunger was my constant companion for days at a time. I had vowed after my father's death that I would never let my sister feel that agony, but will I be able to keep that vow? If I die… no, I can't think about that. I have to live! I need to live! My family needs me to live!
I bet my mother is extremely worried about me. She has high blood pressure, and if she continues to worry, she will get ill. I hope she remembers to take her medicine on time now that I am not around to remind her. I wish I could find my mobile phone so I could call her and tell her not to worry, but I lost it in all the confusion.
The drilling seems to be getting closer. Why are they drilling? I wonder if the entire building has collapsed. I wonder how many people are still alive. I wonder how many of my friends I will see again.
Don't think morbid thoughts! Think happy, positive thoughts! Let's see, the green dress I was making last needs a few more sequins on the body. I wonder who will get to wear it. Then again, it was on the fourth floor, the floor above mine, and that floor is in pieces lying on top of and around me. The dress won't be a dress anymore. There are a few pieces of cloth lying around me. Most of them look like they've been through the jaws of a tiger! I wonder what I look like. There is blood on my arms. That much I know, but I'm not sure if it's mine. If I need to go to the hospital for treatment, how will I pay the bills? I hope I die so that my family won't be stuck paying huge amounts of money for my treatment. But if I die, who will feed my sister? Why do I keep thinking about this?! I need to divert myself!
The drilling sounds like it's coming from my left. I am picturing the little drills the workers use to stick small pins in the walls to hang up photographs. How will those tiny holes help? Whatever their plan is, I hope it works.
Is that light? I think I see a tiny speck of light! Or is that just more dust? I can't be sure. No, wait, I definitely think that's light. Where is it coming from? Or am I just hallucinating?
How much time has passed? Has it been a day? Two days? A year?
I had hoped to get promoted this month, but I guess that's not happening. It's amazing how things like the promotion thing, which seemed like such a huge deal for me, seems rather insignificant at the moment.
I feel very cold. That is weird, because it's April, and it was boiling inside when we were working. They don't always turn on the fans because of the electricity bills. Well, they won't have to worry about that anymore!
It's getting colder. I feel sleepy. My body feels numb. I am picturing my sister and mother's faces, the way they will smile at me when I finally get out of this mess.
I feel sleepy…. Maybe I will go to sleep and wake up in my mother's arms. I hope so. I know my father is watching over me, so I will be all right.
Please, someone, help me!
Immita Manal writes fiction based on the human condition
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