THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

ARIES
Cheap out when going to a zoo and you'll be seeing cats in cages.

TAURUS
Teenager's song about her insecurity is your lucky background music.

GEMINI
Why can't you let the genies be? Aladdin did it right. Bros before princess.

CENCER
Is littering inside still literally? Naaaah. Maybe? Naaaah. Can't be.

LEO
You're sweet like the type of coffee I'd never have. Disgusting.

VIRGO
How are you so happy? Life can't possibly work like that.

LIBRA
You curse like a sailor and have a guy's name. Yet you're neither.

SCORPIO
What do you have against the people who lay down optic fibre cables?

SAGITTARIUS
What do you have against the people who lay down phat, sick beatz?

CAPRICON
Just carrying twice your bodyweight on your shoulders is taxing.

AQUARIUS
Steal Love's stuff when he's not looking. Just kidding, he's blind.

PISCES
Your parents won't care that you're manic-depressive. Best parents ever.