THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

ARIES
You will go to your bed tonight to find it already occupied.

TAURUS
Your personal weather forecast this week is sunny with a chance of mild fog.

GEMINI
Opportunities to reinvent yourself will be handed to you on a silver platter. Be very wary.

CENCER
Your academic career will be dealt a full-nelson, a quarter-wellington, and a 67% blucher.

LEO
Upgrade your home computer this week to avoid catching a virus.

VIRGO
Your pen drive has been going into other USB ports if you follow my meaning.

LIBRA
Don't ever try to exit a moving bus.

SCORPIO
You should play The Witcher 3.

SAGITTARIUS
Reduce your sugar intake this week, you know what happens when you inhale too much sugar.

CAPRICON
Your mother was quite incorrect and you will amount to something in life. Hang in there.

AQUARIUS
Smile, and raise your chin up, because it's a beautiful day.

PISCES
You're on your own, kid.