Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I was very happy and delighted to know who Mita is and excited to know that our dear Mita column is being revived.
My problem is that I have fallen in love with an older woman. She is actually my mother's colleague and friend. She often comes to visit us and sometimes I have dropped her home. I am 25 years old and she is probably 44, though I am not sure of her age. She is a divorcee and lives with her son and daughter who are both university students. I know you will say that it is just a crush or a phase that will go away but this is not so. I have had long conversations with her on many things – politics, relationships, literature etc. I find her extremely attractive, not just for her looks but because she is such an intuitive person. I have not revealed my feelings out of respect for her and of course because of my mother. But I feel life is too short and I just want to tell her how I feel. I have a feeling she will respond positively. Should I tell her or not?
Foolish
Dear Foolish (I don't like referring to my readers in negative terms)
You are 25 years old and I will not call it just a crush. There are many instances when very happy and lasting relationships have been formed between two people with age differences. It is not a problem if the man is older, however, society does not look kindly at all if the woman is older and in your case much older. The issue is not so much what society thinks but the seriousness with which you want to pursue this. If you are thinking of a long term relationship or even marriage then you need to do a lot of soul searching. There will be many hurdles and are you willing to face up to those? If you want to tell her then go ahead but think of the consequences first. What will you do if she responds positively? Just remember, a big age difference between couples might not seem important now but over the years has implications. I am not trying to discourage you but just alerting you to the challenges that might lie ahead.

Dear Mita,
I am studying at a public university. I am in my final year. My parents are expecting me to get married right after I graduate. They say they have found the right candidate – he is an engineer working in the US. I have seen his picture and sometimes chat with him on Facebook. He is extremely good looking and appears to be quite a nice person. But I can't help feeling suspicious. Why would such a handsome man agree to a semi-arranged marriage? He must have a trail of women after him so why would he settle for someone like me? I am quite average looking and not even fair complexioned. I do like him but feel very scared that I might find out horrible things about him when I go there after marriage. My parents have tried to do all the background checks but I am not satisfied. What should I do?
Suspicious
Dear Suspicious,
You are indeed right to feel suspicious. You must not agree to marry unless you meet him. That is the minimum demand you should make. Meeting him face to face will reassure like no amount of Facebook chatting will. Sometimes parents, wanting the best for their children, rush into such proposals with disastrous consequences. They mean well but in their hurry to find a “good husband” for their daughters often miss out on what will make them happy. There are many horror stories related to such marriages so I will definitely advise you meeting him in person.

Dear Mita,
I am a sixteen year old girl studying at an English medium school. I really like a guy in my class and I think he likes me too. He constantly texts me jokes and funny comments and once he gave me an amazing compliment – “When you don't come to school, Biology Class is like a torture chamber”. We haven't said anything directly but it seems it will happen any moment. But recently I found out that my best friend has feelings for him – she knows I like him but probably doesn't know how much. This is really disturbing. First of all if I start going out with him, she will feel betrayed but now I feel betrayed too although I know that sometimes you just can't help these things. But don't you think it was wrong of her to start liking someone I like? I feel really angry and hurt. Should I just ignore it or confront her with this? Should I forget about him for the sake of friendship? Please help, I am going insane.

Rag Doll
Dear Rag Doll,
Please don't go insane because in a few months you will probably forget about this guy and start to like someone else. As for your present problem, just tell your friend you like this guy and that he likes you too. There is no betrayal here as you are not snatching him away from her. However, my advise is go slow on serious love for the time being. You have lots of things to accomplish first. Yes, you will have feelings for boys but keep it in perspective.