Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I am a fifteen-year-old girl studying in an English medium school. I recently learnt that one of my close friends is in a relationship with one of her teachers who is over 45 years old. Not only that, this girl has flirted with every boy she knows in school. Everyone in our class knows about this, as do our parents. She has told a thousand lies to hide these things from us. She has tried to make us believe that another girl, who is also a close friend, is bad by spreading false rumours about her. I was really shocked when I came to know that everything she told me from the start were lies. When I told her that I knew everything, she started to cry. I gave her a last chance and she promised to change. She was fine for a while but after a few days she started talking with the said teacher again and started lying to me again. I tried hard to make her understand but she doesn't want to hear anything. We have all stopped talking with her, and even our parents think that she is a bad influence. Now her parents, who don't know anything about all the things she did, are asking us to talk to her as she is really sad. What should I do? I have given her a chance but she doesn't want to change.
 
-Baffled
Dear Baffled,
She is only 15 and so are you. Young people at that age make mistakes and one should not be too harsh on them. Your friend is being foolish and you should help her get out of this situation. Remember no one is totally bad. I am sure she has many good qualities and that is why she is your friend. Friendship is about standing together in good times and bad. Continue to talk to her and don't make her feel defensive. The more she is blamed by you and others, the more she will act in this foolish way. I can promise, with your support she will change gradually.

Dear Mita,
I am 19 years old and have completed my A-levels. I got my results and they were really disappointing. I feel devastated as I have applied to universities in the UK and these grades will not be acceptable. My parents are heartbroken and have no idea what to do. I am really worried as time is running out. Also most of my friends have done really well and so they are all set. They keep asking me about my results but I don't want to tell them. I feel really hopeless. I really want to study abroad as I think that would give me the opportunity to explore my potential. Please tell me what I should do.

Devastated
Dear Devastated,
It is disappointing that you have not done well in you A-levels. However, this is not the end of the world. There are several things you can do and one of them is not get depressed and start thinking positively. There are many people who are good students but do not do well in exams. You might think of taking the exams again if that is an option. This might seem a waste of time but ultimately a loss of 1 year is not much if you think long term. The other option is to get admitted in a local university, get excellent grades and try to go abroad later.  But keep up your spirits and tell your friends about your results, this is not such a shameful matter.

Dear Mita,
I am 23 years old and I have been stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship for the last four years. The guy whom I love is extremely abusive and he abuses me for silly matters. He is also very controlling and he wants me to fulfill all of his conditions. I tried several times to get out of this abusive relationship, but somehow it's just not ending completely. As I have strong feelings for him, it's not so easy for me to get over him. Sometimes it feels like everybody else around me is just moving on while I am stuck in a hole that I cannot get out of without a helping hand. You may advise me to forget him and move on with my life. But it's really impossible for me to step forward until he holds my hand. Please do help me if you have any effective solution for this problem so that I can build a healthy relationship with my abusive partner.
Stuck
 

Dear Stuck,
Sorry, I have no advice for you to build a healthy relationship with an “abusive” partner. I want to tell you frankly that this will end in disaster and you should get out of it as soon as you can. You do not have strong feelings but strong dependency on this person. It is a psychological state of mind when the abused feels that she/he cannot do without the abuser. You have lived with this feeling for so long that it is difficult to come out of it. But remember, you will never be happy with him, he will continue to abuse you because he knows you will accept it and that he can get away with it.  Bring together all your positive energy, talk to friends, get support and get out as soon as possible.