How to pretend to be a football fan this World Cup season

The 2026 FIFA World Cup is well underway, and the entire world is watching. You, however, have finally broken out of hibernation and uncovered how you really feel about football. Something you couldn’t care less about three weeks ago. But if you think you need help being accepted by society and claiming your rightful place on the couch beside your friends who are a little too invested, this guide will teach you how to fit right in.

Pick your team

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The first and most crucial step: pledging allegiance to a team. A good way to go about this is to figure out who has the jersey that looks the best. If none look good to you, you can make a decision based on an edit of a team or a player that you stumbled upon while doomscrolling. Caring about how good they actually are at football is not that important.

Do your research

By research, I, of course, mean learning at least a couple of facts about the team. This is just in case you end up on an Instagram reel interview where a mic will inevitably be shoved in your face.

Post vague things before the match

You may post predictions for the next match on social media. It’s a high-risk, high-reward gamble. On the off-chance that you actually get it right, your football genius will be emblazoned into the fabric of the World Wide Web forever.

You can always delete the post if that’s not the case.

Join the hivemind

When discussing your team, refer to yourself as “we” and constantly say “it’s coming back home”, wherever that might be. Always believe that you are actually part of the squad. Unfortunately, you’re just always on the bench.

Shadow your peers

Closely follow how your fellow football fanatics react to certain things happening on the field and try to emulate them. You do not need to understand what is happening; mimicry will get you far enough.

Memorise and conquer

Keep a cheat sheet of football’s most confusing and controversial concepts. Better yet, ingrain them in your head — the offside rule, the video assistant referee (VAR), hydration breaks — so you can provide your unsolicited but necessary opinions to your next unsuspecting victim.

Pay your respects

Share an emotional edit of the legend in your team who is retiring this season and write a heartfelt caption about his legacy; the one that you did not know about a Google search ago.

Live in your jersey

Under no circumstances are you to take off your jersey at any point in the tournament. Wear it to your workplace or to a presentation, even to a wedding, to show your utmost loyalty.

You are now fully prepared and equipped to survive the 2026 World Cup season. Not a single person will remember anything you’ve done. See you in 2030.

Faiza Zarin Zaara is probably watching her third movie of the day. Suggest her something niche to hyperfixate on at: faiza.zarin.zaara.317@gmail.com